scribbles, revelations, and rants

2009-01-29T16:20:00.000-08:00

Second term thus far has been fab. It is so much better than first term by leaps and bounds. We have morning classes and small groups twice a week starting in three weeks, so I have so much more free time than last term. I have already developed a nasty nap habit where I take a minimum two hour nap. Daily.

Yet on the flipside, I have established a good gym routine where I get up early in the morning before class to work out. So far I've been able to make it four times a week, and I feel so much better physically, more than anything. It's not about vanity, it's about being healthy. And it's such a great stress reliever and way to start the day.

I am scared of Neuro this term, that I'm going to have a hard time with it. I am excited about everything else though - even Community and Preventative Medicine. I love learning about disease epidemiology and public health.

Hopefully by the time I am established and practicing, this country will be offering universal health care. That would pretty much make my entire life. A healthy nation is a successful nation. The nation can't be healthy as a whole if its people are not going to the doctor because they can't pay for it. If there is anything the government should spend money on, it's that. Or at least once we get all of our problems fixed and we're out of the shithole Bush left us in.

I didn't cry when Obama won, I didn't cry during his inauguration speech, but I cried when I saw Obama and his wife dance their first dance to Beyonce singing "At Last." True story.

2009-01-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I am going to make the valiant effort of updating this thing more often. To talk about my experiences here at school. I brought an actual journal with me, but who am I kidding - I am a child of the LiveJournal generation, why bother writing the old fashioned way when you can have such luxuries as the backspace key.

So I got here (here being Grenada, West Indies) in August of 2008: scared shitless, shy as always, and not looking forward to having a room mate for the first time in my life. Orientation week was like being in some sort of surreal universe; I couldn't believe that this was where I would be living for two years. I soon came to love it - love it! - and am now probably the happiest I've been, ever. I have made amazing friends, am studying material that I love and gives me a drive to study, and I get to do it on this peaceful, laid-back, beautiful little island. Every day I sent up a Thank You to whoever is up there that deemed me worthy enough of such an honor. I really mean that.

I don't miss my old job one bit. I was home for three weeks for Christmas and I saw seven shows in those three weeks. I am so impressed with myself. There are of course some things I didn't get to do (melissa, this means you, darling), and I regret it, but I will be home soon and will put said things at the top of my list.

We are doing parasitology now, as a brief 8-day one credit course, and all of the disgusting shit I learned from Para in undergrad is rearing its ugly head, this time with pictures way more graphic and detailed. All of you non-medically orientated folk should thank their lucky stars that they'll never have to see a prolapsed rectum in their life. Or what an Ascaris infection looks like coming out of the anus of an eight year old boy. And then of course they follow that slide up with a picture of the same organism coming out of his nostrils.

There is a Thailand Selective that I am wrestling with - to go or not to go. Pros: It's in Thailand. It's working with Thai doctors and getting a small taste of international medicine and how it is administered in their country. Have I mentioned its in Thailand? Cons: It's only a measly eleven days long. And I won't be on my own time. And there's some sort of instability right now with their airports, horror stories of people getting plucked on their way out and murdered.

More cons than pros means I probably shouldn't go, eh?

Blame my Canadian room mate for rubbing off on me and instilling "eh" into my vocabulary. I am doing the same, making her pronounce pasta the right way: "Pah-stah."

That's it for now. I have two finals next week and I took a four hour nap today (shame on me), so I better get the books cracking.

2008-07-12T14:58:00.001-07:00

I've recently gotten into the Twilight series for the simple reason that I am just a sucker when it comes to all things silly and romantic, but holy hell! Some of these people are batshit crazy! The comments on the YouTube videos ("Rape me Edward!" "ZOMG I AM HAVING AN ORGASM!" "I am dazzled beyond dazzled!") alone make me embarrassed to admit that I read these books.

These books are so good, yet so dumb at the same time. For whatever reason, they're addictive. And hello, Robert Pattinson, who I loved way back in Goblet of Fire.

But still...people need to chill.

2008-06-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

Not to go all Matt Doyle on everybody, but Jason Mraz's new album, We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things is love. An unyeilding, blinding ray of pure, pure love. I cannot get enough. This is my new obsession, people.

Where do I even begin. I'm Yours, the updated version. Lucky, which is Eric and I in a nutshell. If It Kills Me, reminiscent of Jim and Pam circa Season 2 of The Office. And A Beautiful Mess, which is perfect for the Twilight movie which is coming out on December. It should be Edward and Bella's theme.

That's not even counting Butterfly, in which he has creatively thought of yet another way to reference female genitalia that I'm sure nobody has ever heard of. Vultures, with a children's choir. And Hold Your Own, where he sings with James Morrison. Two of the hottest male voices on the same track. HELLO. My lady parts just woke up.

From start to finish, I can listen to this album over and over and over. Again, I. am. obsessed. This is a fever of like, Middle of Nowhere proportions, for those who knew me way back when.

Live high, live mighty, live righteously.

2008-06-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

I am at work and I had a beer on my lunch break at the BrewHouse down the street. Whenever I do this, I always wind up kicking myself because alcohol makes me sleepy. Any alcohol, doesn't matter what it is, doesn't matter what time of day it is. All I want to do right now is curl up in my bed in my air conditioned room with my dogs and take a long, much-needed nap. But no, I am stuck here, having to do DNA extractions and reading electrophoresis gels.

I am so busy lately that I feel like I don't have time to just be. I can't remember the day where I woke up in the morning and was like, "I have nothing planned for today." Must have been months ago.

I saw Passing Strange and it was just as fabulous as everyone says it is and as I hoped it would be. Student rush is amazing and I can't believe I've never tried it before. And then I saw Patti Lupone in Gypsy, and I have to say her Mama Rose kicks the living shit out of Berndatte Peter's.

You know what I hate? When people chat during Broadway shows. Feel free to add their own commentary. Leave their phones on. Text. You know what I hate even more? When said people are the people that you came with and you become embarrassed to be sitting next to them.

Melissa, I'm sticking with you for shows from now on. That's a promise.

I really want to see Hair. But there's no way in hell I am sleeping on a sidewalk, and if I buy a ticket, it will seriously break the bank. I just sent in a huge check to school for tuition. It sucks to see your entire life savings go from an amount you can be proud of to an amount you had three years ago.

I am taking two vacations this summer before I leave because who the hell knows when I am going to be able to take an actual vacation again. Miami with Eric for four nights. Then I come home, work for two days (I don't have enough time off to take those days off, too), re-pack, and then I'm off to Cancun for six nights with Gabby and my aunt. All inclusive. I am just going to sit by the pool and drink and sleep in the sun. I cannot wait.

The day I come back is The Little Mermaid for Gabby's birthday.

The new David Sedaris is sitting on my night table, waiting for me when I get home. I can't wait to run home and read it. I loved The Road, sobbed like a little bitch at the end. It was my first McCarthy book, and from reading it, you could see why No Country for Old Men was shot the way that it was. The droll, dragging narrative and simplistic sentence structure. It was brilliant. His masterpeice, no doubt.

I have been researching Grenada and all that their is to do there. Snorkeling on the weekends sounds amazing. I want to get certified in scuba while I'm there. Parasailing? Yes, please. I love the water, have always been a water baby.

I want to write more but I'm so tired.

2008-04-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

I've watched this twice, the first time out of curiosity and the second out of sheer awe. This is hands down the most moving and heart-wrenching documentary I've ever seen. It is on HBO On Demand and I'm sure it is coming to DVD soon. I urge you all to please watch it.

Autism is such an enigma in this world. Nobody has any real answers, and it's scary.

Stand out moment: Upon hearing one of his peers tell him that they think he is "very smart" little Henry replies, "I've always wanted to hear somebody say that."

Cue the formation of an Alex puddle.

I never say this, but God bless these children and the wonderful woman who put this all together. What an extraordinary human being. Truly.

2008-04-12T12:21:00.001-07:00

Eat organic food, everybody. Stop putting poison into yourself.

So says this fabulous book, Skinny Bitch. And although I am not going to follow the vegan lifestyle that is staunchly preaches (I don't think I could do it. The thought of a cheeseburger would be just too much for me to handle, and I could never stick with it. Plus, have you met my family? Carnivores galore.), I am am going to adopt certain guidelines. Like, eating three peices of organic fruit for breakfast, every morning. Eating them slowly, leaving time in between each. Buying as much organic food products as possible. Whole grains, whole grains, whole grains. You can never get enough. Exercising, the stuff that everyone knows is good for you, and all that jazz.

I am going to Austin, Texas next week. I went to Atlantic City last weekend and it was fabulous. I am going to see Young Frankenstein tomorrow with Eric, then we're going to Magnolia Bakery where I can finally try one of their red velvet cupcakes (which totally defeats the purpose of everything I just wrote, but hey, I gotta live). Maybe a walk through Central Park if it's not too rainy.

Life is good.

2008-04-02T16:07:00.000-07:00

Before I commence writing my first legitimate post since blowing the dust off of this thing and resurrecting it in all of it's self-absorbed, self-serving glory, let me first state that this blog is a work in progress. There are no links at the side of the page, and it kills me. I don't even know if I like this template.

But I digress, so here we go!

For my first post, there is no other subject as worthy as the new makeup that I bought over this past weekend. My friend Marianna, who always looks so effortlessly and maddeningly gorgeous no matter what, came with me to the mall to the Bare Escentuals store. Because I am pretty much mesmerized by the look of her makeup whenever I see her, of course I would want to try to emulate it. Well. Apparently, they make this shit out of crushed minerals from the earth. And apparently, it has changed my life thus far, within a mere past three days.

It's a powder that goes on like a liquid foundation. Only, it doesn't feel like a liquid. With liquid, it sometimes felt too thick. By the end of the day, it would wear thin and the blemishes on my face from my wonderful bout with early-teen acne would rear their ugly, purple, blotchy heads. Not now. At the end of the day, when taking my makeup off, my skin felt like it always did...like skin. Now, like silk (and it's clear, too!). Whatever they are putting in those little powder pots is like a miracle dust. Fairy dust. It is awesome. I can't wait to go back and try their blushes, eyeshadows, and lipsticks.

I would urge any female to go investigate. The genius can be found here: http://bareescentuals.com

If there is no BE store near you, Sephora sells it. I would advise that you start off buying The Starter Kit (which I did). The sales reps at the actuals BE stores will show you how to put the makeup on. Forget anything you've learned in the past, it is a whole new process (though its not hard, it just takes practice). However, if you are rendered to buy it at a Sephora, the Starter Kit comes with an instructional DVD (crazy, right?)

Run, don't walk. You will thank me. I know you will.

2008-03-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

This is for Melissa.

I'm re-starting up this blog again partly because Melissa begged me to and partly because...I kinda want to! When she started hers, I was considering starting this back up again because I generally just like the idea. So here we are.

First post is to come. I am at work and I have to make it look like I'm actually doing something.

2004-04-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

Which HP Kid Are You?

2004-04-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

TIME FOR A RANT!

I've been exercising on a pretty regular basis for the past few weeks (except over spring break) and when I weighed myself today, the scale told me that I've only lost one measly pound. One. Now, I know that this has everything to do with me going home a lot as of late and not exercising while I'm there, but its just so frustrating!!! After this Easter weekend, I need to seriously start amping it up. I don't know what I'm doing wrong while I'm here at school...hopefully nothing...

I don't want to do a fad diet because I feel like losing weight is a lifestyle change, not a quick fix. I've done quick fixes before and they haven't worked...the only one that worked for a quite a while was the two-bowls-of-cereal-a-day diet. Should I go back on that again? I have no idea. I won't be getting as many nutrients as I would need to exercise five days a week, but it did teach me to feel full on little food and it did shrink my stomach. When I went back on regular foods afterward, I couldn't eat as much as I previously could.

i hate how slow my metabolism is. i hate how long is takes me lose weight when it takes me no time to gain it. i hate how i was born with wide hips and a flat butt. i hate how i have to work at my body when other people dont need to do shit. i hate the fact that i would even CONSIDER taking diet pills.

but most of all, i just hate trying and trying and trying and not getting anywhere. hopefully after this easter weekend, when i'm at school till the end of the year, things will get better for me. there will be no more weekends at home where the food is actually GOOD, no more lazy days sitting on the couch watching HBO, no more limited food choices. at least not for a while, anyways...

i hope everything gets better after Easter weekend. otherwise i'm gonna kill myself.

2004-02-21T18:25:00.000-08:00

Sprout - Herbology

Harry Potter: Which Hogwarts professor would you be?
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2004-02-15T19:32:00.000-08:00

Read this and freaked out:
http://users.hanson.net/inthemoe/hansondetailsarticle.jpg

Saw this and nearly fainted:

I can't tell you how much this excites me. To see Hanson give the big finger back to every last one of their critics. I don't care how rash or ballsy the article is: its fucking amazing and its about damn time.

That picture. My God...

2004-01-29T21:47:00.000-08:00

Alleluia: No longer will we ever hear the term "Bennifer".

Going to Atlantic City in 36 hours and I can't wait. I need to get out of this dreadful, boring, monotonous house. And this dreadful, boring, monotonous neighborhood...even if its only for one night.

My hero: Happy Birthday, Oprah!

2004-01-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

Je Prefere
I like my pasta al dente and my bananas slightly brown. I like my tea strong and my music happy. Movies, I take long, dramatic, and sad, and I don't like coffee I find much too sweet. I like pears to be soft, and peas to be raw. Walks and summers should be long and unhurried. I like my paperbacks fat, my orange juice without pulp, and my days to be leisurely, yet busy, if that makes any sense at all

Angels in America:

I am obsessed crazy in love. I am sad I never saw it on the stage and dazzled by it on the screen. I am in love with everyone. Even Al Pacino. Especially Al Pacino.

Patrick Wilson with no clothes on. Now there's something to see.

I have no words, really. I have none. I can not articulate its greatness. Every scene, every minute. I could not stop watching. I could not get up to go to the bathroom. I could not breathe properly, for most of those six hours.

What happens between Louis and Joe is one of the hottest love scenes I have ever seen on screen. They are fully-clothed. There is no actual sex depicted. It is a miracle.

There is that wonderful moment that's in the trailer, when Joe touches Louis's face, and he says, "I'm going to go to hell for this." And what you don't see is the line that comes next, which is the best line in the whole six hours. Louis shrugs and says, "Are you kidding? It couldn't be any worse than New York."

All hail Tony Kushner. And the white cracker who wrote the National Anthem and put the note on freedom so high that no one could reach it...

Theatre geek, I am: Check off Gypsy and thoroughly Modern Millie off my list. Saw both, each equally brilliant.

Bernadette Peters brings this air of femininity and sexuality to Mama Rose, a femininity that I've never seen any other actress bring to that character. She is dainty and elegant and poised as she is daunting and spirited. That voice is just the icing on the cake. Any woman who could pull off that role and pull it off well gets brownie points from me for sure.

Millie was so adorable and so so so enchanting. Much funnier and wittier than I expected it to be. I would recommend it to anyone.

Still on my list:
-Wicked
- Hairspray
- The Producers
- Avenue Q
- Little Shops of Horrors
- Phantom of the Opera
- The Boy from Oz

Who wants to go? I have coupons!

On a more random note, there is no telling of the amount of joy an iPod can bring. this i learned over this winter vacation.

more later...

2003-11-16T18:02:00.000-08:00

2003-11-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

(childish, chanting voice) Eric sent me roses! Eric sent me roses! na-nana-poo-poo! *twirls circles around you*

2003-11-11T19:07:00.000-08:00

Which CHICAGO Character are You? Find out!

Which Holiday are YOU? Find out @ RelentlessDivas.Net!

Which Pirates of the Carribean character are you? Find out @ RelentlessDivas.Net!

Which Clueless Chick are you? Find out!

Which American Pie Dude are You?Find out!

Which Angelina Jolie are you? Find out!

Which 'Friend' Are You?Find out!

2003-11-04T13:00:00.000-08:00

my 8 week workout schedule is in full swing! i slacked off last weekend and I don't plan on allowing myself to do that anymore. so now i'm on week 2 and i feel healthier already. i haven't felt like myself lately because of the weight i gained over the summer and im so sick of feeling like the heaviest person in the room. my goal is to look fabulous for florida this coming december and in the spring, i'll motivate myself by the thought of summer coming up, and more importantly, gabby's sweet 16.

i want to get rid of the baby fat i never got a chance to shed. i want to build, long, lean muscle. i want to glow. i want to wear a bikini this summer and not have to think twice about stripping my clothes off. i want people to look and at me again like they did in high school and tell me that i look amazing. i want to push myself further and further. but most importantly, i want to look and feel healthy.

ok, i'm done with this topic now.

Brava: screw the second half of my hanson review (besides, i'm a little too appauled at Isaac's recent Halloween costume to write anything nice about them)! Let's talk about Aida! Stunning, sweeping, breathtaking Aida that left me shaken and weeping! Brava to the nth degree!

toni surprised the hell out of me. And the funny thing is, is that it seems like the average love story at first...until you see the end. the end changed every expectation and prediction i had.

Go see it. Now.

2003-10-27T07:35:00.000-08:00

laying in bed last night while listening to the new cd and drifting off to sleep, i fell slowly and steadily back in love with Them.

Next time:
-Underneath Acoustic Part 2. yes, i found more stuff to blabber on about. with hanson, i'm always finding more stuff.
-The new Jonny album. in all its glory.
-The new Clay Aiken.
-The new Maroon 5.
and more random college happenings.

2003-10-27T00:52:00.000-08:00

so i got the new hanson acoustic "preview cd" today.

well.

would it be a crime to say that i don't love it? :X

its probably due to the fact that i hate acoustic versions of songs. well, thats not entirely true. i hate acoustic versions of most songs. i don't know why, i just prefer the electric versions of songs more. and not only is this album unplugged, but also live, as in unpolished. unlike acoustic songs, i'm all for live versions...just after i've heard the recorded versions.

the beginning of Deeper sounds a little too much like I Wish That I Was There, which i find a little misleading. nevertheless, the lyrics are sweet. and, the fact that its an Isaac song is an added plus. having Isaac sing lead on a love song ups it a few notches on the "omg im melting" scale. its the smoothness of his voice, i tell you. perfect for singing lullabyes to you while you drift off into sleep. his kids are going to be mighty lucky one day...to have such a sweet, dorky-hip teddy bear of a father.

um, sorry hanson, but we've been here all this time...so where do you go when you're gone? huh? huh!?!

is that Isaac coming in on the first few lines of Misery? no, sir. that's Zac. the new, larger-than-life, lumberjack-esque, bad ass, i-can-drop-the-F-bomb-on-British-radio-whenever-i-damn-well-please-because-look-mom-i'm-a-fucking-rock-star Zac. his voice has shown major improvement (thank God). i was worried about him for a while there. granted, he still shows the least vocal versatility out of the three of them, but whats heard on this album is much much better than what's heard on TTA. god forgive me, but its the truth. i was so scared that underneath all of the scratching and layering and over-produced ebbs and flows of the last record would be Zac's voice, completely boring and utterly destroyed after feeling the wrath of adolescent puberty. so, yes, his voice thankfully sounds better...better than it ever did layered under all the extra nonsense that was on the last album. and his new hot haircut is an added plus. that's yet another thing i was worried about him. he was starting to look freakishly like an ugly version of claudia schiffer.
Best part of Misery: the loh da doh doh doooo's. nice touch.

i think i'm a little too much in love with the way Taylor sings "waking up this morning this can't be real" at the beginning of Underneath. his voice has gotten...better? if thats even possible? i always loved the gritty quality of his voice and the way he howled and crooned and adds little moan-y licks here and there. he uses just the right amount of sex in his singing without being too overt or over-killing it. he knows how to work it, that boy. such a little diva, he is. their harmonies are perfect now: taylor's raspy high tenor, isaac's smooth lower tenor, and zac's somewhere in between to balance the two out.

my only complaint about Underneath is that i think they break into the chorus a few lines too soon. but thats just me.

ok, why is Penny and Me going to be the single? WHY? i don't understand it. i mean, its an okay song, i guess, i just think the other songs have more "single potential" or whatever you call it.

Love Somebody To Know! Love Somebody To Know! oh, how i love it! no number of exclamation points cannot express how enthusiastic I am about this song! this is the Hanson I love! can't cant can't wait to hear this song live and in full electric version!

I nearly fell off my chair when i realized they were playing This Time Around as a hidden track at the end of the cd. the shocking part? how good it sounds acoustic! with bongos! whooda thunk it?

ok, so maybe i really do like the cd more than i thought i did. i guess i just needed to blog it all out before i noticed its greatness.

2003-10-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

theres a hanson concert in two weeks. at carnegie hall. beautiful, glamourous, historic carnegie hall and i can't be there.

There is something distinctly lovely about hanson concerts, a feeling I cannot get enough of. but afterwards there is always that sort of sick empty sensation in the pit of your stomach. sort of like you ate entirely too much--of something fabulous, like double chocolate-raspberry cheesecake--and you know today its back to low-fat wheat thins, and nothing else, for a very long time. not that I have anything against low-fat wheat thins, because they make up about a third of my daily calorie intake. but you know what I mean. or maybe that was just a really bad metaphor.

i miss that rushed, euphoric feeling of being glazed in sweat and not caring, having your hair frizz up and not caring, feeling your voice go hoarse and not stop singing. i miss the exerted, spent, yet calm, feeling after a concert before the post-hanson depression kicks in. hell, i even miss the depression.

hanson's back, in some sort of way...touring and getting interviewed and making particularly horrid tv appearances on things like the tom green and sharon osbourne show. i think back to the old hanson days and at the things i did and it just all sounds so crazy. about how i watched their videos over and over and over again looking for the most minute differences. how i refused to wash my hands for a whole week after i had met them and shook their hands for the first time. how i'd buy four teenybopper magazines at a time. my life revolved around them so much i can remember my own mother screaming at me to find something else to do with my time. they're only a silly little band, anyway.

i think back to those days and i get so happy, and then i think of how in two weeks...i'll be here...in delaware...in my dorm room or stuck in a late-running chemistry lab...while a hanson concert is going on someplace where i would most likely be if i were home...and i get sad again.

btw, happy belated, zachary walker.
(omg im such a dork. someone please choke me.)

2003-10-15T22:12:00.000-07:00

Congratulations! You are a traditional bride!

What Kind of Bride Will You Be?
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Which [Finding Nemo] characters are you?

Which [Charlie's Angels] characters are you?

Which [Diamond Shapes] are you?

Which [Seven Dwarfs] are you?

Aphrodite/Eros

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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2003-09-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

Shitlist:
Niels Bohr
Werner Heisenberg
Gilbert Newton Lewis
Wolfgang Pauli
Friedrich Hund
Ernest Rutherford

Who are these people, you ask? Why, they're the founding fathers of that special subject that we all love...organic chemistry! Hoorah for them!

Isn't it funny that this is the fourth week of class and nothing has been covered in my physics class yet? i never thought i would complain about not getting work in a class....it just feels weird only doing work for three subjects instead of the usual four or five. but theres nothing i can do about it, i guess.

i hate comma splices. i don't know why i just said that...so random of me. i type the first things that pop up in my head for this blog. i don't think about my thoughts or word them differently than how they are conjured in my subconcious...and thats whats so nice about having one of these.

i'm itching...itching....to take a history class. i never thought i'd say this, but i am. and an art class. and an art history class. i hate the rigidity of my major..or maybe i just hate having to get all these damn prerequisites out of the way before i can take the classes i really want to take. in a perfect world, people would go to college not because their parents are making them, not because they know they'll get a better paying job if they have an education, not because its simply "the next step", but for their own enrichment and enjoyment. they can graduate with any degree they so desire being that the courses they did take are applicable to it and not have to worry about tuition and having to go for an extra semester if they decide they want to take more classes than are required of them. now i'm talking in run-on sentences because thinking about this makes me so angry sometimes that i just cant stop and now is one of those times and i just wish tuition wasnt an issue with college because for god's sake, this is school. this is the rest of your life. and its goddamn important and people who don't know what they want as a career suffer this way because of deadlines, deadlines, deadlines. thats all what it boils down to. ARGGGGH!!!!

ok, im done now. before i give myself a stroke.

2003-09-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

the busier i get, the more time goes by.

can i just say...i got a flat screen for my computer and i'm *loving* it! I don't know what it is, but it makes me feel so professional.

2003-07-25T14:10:00.000-07:00

this blogger is now two years old :)

camp started a month ago. already my four weekers had their last day. the one i'm really going to miss is olivia, a meek little freckled girl with a mop of red hair sitting on her head. she's so soft-spoken and sweet. i hate how all of my obnoxious kids are staying for the rest of the summer and all of the four week campers are all sweethearts.

i must go to the city. i miss it. the last time i was there was to see Rent for the third time on a dreary day in April. It was a bus trip and left us no time for walking around, so it was a "get-off-bus-get-in-theatre-get-back-on-bus-back-to-delaware" kinda thing. i miss the city. i've been reading laura's LJ (who just moved to NYC) and hearing about how much she loves it and how fabu it is and i get insanely jealous.

its about damn time i see another BWAY show too...

2003-06-22T21:57:00.001-07:00

for the first time in (i think) my life, i hate new york. this is the worst weather i've ever friggin experienced and its getting to be real depressing. like, excessively depressing. like, i-wanna-twist-each-and-every-tooth-i-have-out-of-my-mouth-with-a-wrench depressing.

the new Harry is out and its flying off shelves. it makes me want to go read the previous Harry's. I've read the first one and thought it was brilliant - so simple, yet so creatively thought up and planned out. after reluctantly being dragged to see the second movie by Meghan (i had hated the first one), i started Chamber of Secrets the novel, but Wally Lamb took away my interest and I found myself eventually reading more of I Know This Much Is True and less of Chamber. i only read a quarter of the number of pages into it.

Listening to: Maroon 5's This Love, which is like Stevie Wonder Jeff Buckley Jamiroquoi get-up-and-dance and have six continuous orgasms because the lead singer is howly Taylor Hanson all grownup and tough libido-filled groovy tunefullness. It is good to hear music that is sure of what it is.

rock on to hanson for recommending something cool, although we all knew about this band before hanson started wearing the t-shirts. and not like they need much buzz help right now. promote a band that needs promotion, Isaac. like yours, for example.

Realizations on this dreary, ever-depressing Sunday afternoon: OK, well maybe just one. i wonder if the whole New Jewel Image is total bullshit. i wonder if she's experimenting to see if the world sucks as much as she thinks it does. will people really buy a bullshit album full of bullshit songs if the girl on the cover is naked and the titles are all cutesy-misspelled? That song is on the radio. that picture is on tv. i wonder if she's happy with the answer. i feel like Jewel died. and she's been replaced by a gyrating half-naked fembot. i want it to be calculated. i want her to be cool, brilliant, Madonna-like in her calculation. the cynical, cigar-puffing svengali for her own failing career. if that's true, i love her. i love her and her shitty compromised music that's flying off the shelves. if not... then I'm scared for music and women alike. but I was anyway.

today is the quintessential day for curling up on the couch in sweatpants and glasses with a hot cup of green tea and just reading, reading, reading the day away. perhaps its time for that trip to B&N right now, after all...

La Boheme closed! tonight! and i never got the chance to see it! *stabs myself in the chest*

i still can't believe i missed the goddamn tony's.

2003-06-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

im liking the new blogger update page layout.

2003-05-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry all, but finals leave no time for blogging in alex's schedule.

but here i am, taking a study break. a week from now i'll be back home on long island, which is nice. i'm ready to be done. all my friends are home and i'm hearing about hangouts and whats going on, and i get jealous and sad. i want to be there with them. i miss my friends so much.

but at the same time, it's so sad and so...odd...that my freshman year is finished already.

things that I've learned since september:
- long distance relationships can work if both parties are truly dedicated. loving eachother is reason enough not to just give up.
- no matter where you go or how old you get, there are always those who continue to act like they're in high school
- taking a shit in a public bathroom isn't really as humiliating as i thought it would be
- the same people who refuse to go to class when its raining are the same people who will walk through a blizzard on the weekends in order to get to the alcohol
- my parents will never get over me being away and they'll never...ever...stop missing me

if i had to pick one favorite memory of this year, i wouldnt be able to think of an answer on top of my head.

2003-05-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

An Alex Onion:

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Alex
-- Birth date: Oct 11 1984
-- Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York
-- Current Location: Newark DE
-- Eye Color: Brown
-- Hair Color: dark brown
-- Height: 5'3.5
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Libra

LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: 50% Italian + 50% Filipino = Italipino :)
-- The shoes you wore today: my white DKNY slip-on backless sneaker/sandals
-- Your weakness: pasta
-- Your fears: spiders, getting raped, the bugs here in delaware that have ten million legs, walking down the street alone at night
-- Your perfect pizza: A hot, crunchy slice of onion marinara from Phil's..and then put grilled chicken, brocolli, spinach, eggplant, tomatoes, garlic, fresh mozzarella and extra marinara sauce on top and i'm in heaven
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: become a doctor

LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: lol
-- Your thoughts first waking up: NOOOOOOOOOO
-- Your best physical feature: My eyes or hair
-- Your bedtime: Whenever I get off the phone with eric
-- Your most missed memory: senior year/being close with brian

LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: diet coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds..even though i prefer the whopper to the bic mac...but c'mon it has a dollar menu!
-- Single or group dates: Single.
-- Adidas or Nike: Nike.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate!
-- Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino

LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: ANTI.
-- Cuss: haha all the time.
-- Sing: all the time! :)
-- Daily Morning Ritual: Wake up, press snooze, wake up a half hour later, crawl out of bed, brush teeth, put clothes on, go to class, come back, sleep more, get up, shower, go back to class
-- Have a crush(es): only one never-ending one :)
-- Do you think you've been in love: yup
-- Want to go to college: i am in college! haha i win!
-- Like(d) high school: moreso during senior year, but overall, yes
-- Want to get married: That's probably #1 on the list of things I'm looking forward to in my life.
-- Believe in yourself: most of the time
-- Get motion sickness: only when i read in the car
-- Think you're attractive: soemtimes
-- Think you're a health freak: lol i can be at times
-- Get along with your parent(s): somewhat
-- Like thunderstorms: i dont particularly care for them
-- Play an instrument: I wish..erics teaching me guitar this summer

LAYER SIX:
In the past month... (all five days of it?)
-- Drank alcohol: yup
-- Done a drug: Nope.
-- Had Sex: Nope.
-- Made Out: yup
-- Gone on a date: yup
-- Gone to the mall?: yup..lauren!!!
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Nope.
-- Eaten sushi: i wish!!
-- Been on stage: i wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-- Been dumped: no
-- Gone skating: nope
-- Made homemade cookies: Nope.
-- Gone skinny dipping: Nope.
-- Dyed your hair: Nope.
-- Stolen anything: Nope.

LAYER SEVEN:
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Nope.
-- If so, was it mixed company: Nope.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: only buzzed
-- Been caught "doing something": sort of...hehe eric ;)
-- Been called a tease: Yep.
-- Gotten beaten up: Nope.
-- Shoplifted: Nope.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Probably.

LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: Mid twenties.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: I want three kids in this orger: boy, girl, boy. One of my boys is gonna eb zachary and the other nathan...for my girl, i want lina, charlotte, or chloe. i cant decide.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: haha you wanna be here all day?
-- How do you want to die: old, content, happy, and peaceful.
-- Where you want to go to college: My dream college would be NYU
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Happy.
-- What country would you most like to visit: Italy *drools*

LAYER NINE:
In a guy/girl..
-- Best eye color? doesnt matter
-- Best hair color?anything but red
-- Short or long hair: short
-- Height: taller than me.
-- Best weight: doesnt matter as long as theyre not like...obese. omg that sounds so bad :X
-- Best articles of clothing: Sophisticated but casual. dressy-casual. Clothes that fit are good too. I don't like when jeans are falling off a guys hips or they're sporting the typical cookie cutter skater look.
-- Best first date location: Somewhere you can talk and get to know each other like a cafe, park, restaurant...
-- Best first kiss location: Anywhere. its not the location that makes the kiss, its the person youre kissing

LAYER TEN:
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 0
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 7:my parents, my sister, mimi, aunt carol, grandma, and eric
-- Number of CDs that I own: Hundreds.
-- Number of piercings: 2
-- Number of tattoos: 0
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: only the school newspaper haha
-- Number of scars on my body: 1.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: i dont regret anything. i only learn from my mistakes :)

2003-04-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

four more weeks and im home for the summer and a sophomore in college. holy jumpin' jesus.

i've been thinking a lot lately and i've realized that i really miss my friends from home. i miss the hangouts and going out to eat with marianna, heather, and stef. i miss going clubbing with them. i miss the coffee talks in stef's kitchen table and going to xando. i miss tina's wackiness and corrine's sense of humor. i miss brian. i miss me and brian being best friends. i miss lecturing him about certain things that he shouldn't do and certain girlfriends that he should dump. i miss steph and her ridiculously huge car. she's been going through a tough time lately but i know once it passes, she'll be back to her old self. i miss melissa and how hilarious she can be. i miss melissa's grandparents. hell, i miss melissa overall; i havent made a friend here thats like her and i miss having someone around like her. i miss george. i miss george's car. i miss beach trips with george and hanging out in his backyard. i miss jerry and his sweet quietness and honesty. no need to write anymore, the rest is self-explanatory. i just miss everyone.

i miss eric so much that sometimes i feel like my body physically can't take it. that, and the loads of schoolwork i've had, are enough to keep me busy as hell and running around like a chicken without a head.

to anyone reading this right now, if you feel like you might have been ignored by me ever since we left for college...i am so sorry. you're all in my heart and i honestly can't wait till we spend time with eachother again.

2003-04-11T12:12:00.000-07:00

i have this fantasy. it's of an apartment in New York. traffic outside the windows and a fire escape that you're not allowed to walk on. there are sleek-lined appliances and things from Ikea. the color scheme is black and white. my Italian Singin' in the Rain poster is framed on one wall, a black and white enlarged photograph of the World Trade Center on the other. my potted bamboo---three feet tall now---in front of a window. i am performer or "entertainment-person" of some sort on Broadway. i hold infinite connections. i have a great collection of shoes and over-priced accessories. i work very long hours for very little money. i have seen every single show on Broadway, off-Broadway and elsewhere. for half price. there are New Yorkers on the coffee table. i have not driven a car in so long, it's hard to remember what the sensation feels like. heat like an oven in the summer---the kind that bounces off the pavement and boils your feet through your shoes. so many people everywhere that i am nothing and no one so I have all the room in the world to start new projects and breathe and be things i want to be.

i have this dream. it's of a two story suburban house (not too big, not too small) with a sprawling lawn in front and a garden in the back. next to the garden is a decent-sized swimming pool. the interior decor is straight out of a Pottery Barn catalog. this house is home to me and my family. My husband and I both work long hours, but somehow we make it work. we don't let our children become quasi-parentless or "day care kids" or kids with a nanny. we are close: my husband, my three kids and i. two boys and one girl that i will spoil to no end. money is never an issue. vacations happen once a year to tropical places. once our kids are old enough to truly appreciate it, we'll start traveling Europe. we go out to eat once a week. i am a pediatrician. i own my own practice, make my own hours. my husband works hard, wears suits to work (unless he's a musician on tour or something extreme like that...), and does his damndest to raise a good family. our children go to good schools, get good grades, and know the importance of a good education. my sons play soccer and baseball, my daughter plays tennis and swims. she can sing her head off and loves the stage. the whole family comes to our house for christmas, we go to others' for all other holidays. and we are happy.

soon...sooner than i think.

2003-03-23T12:59:00.000-08:00

I don't believe TV news anchors have the right to editorialize without disclaimers.

I believe we're in a war because the President of the United States does not have the intellectual prowess to negotiate his country out of one.

I also think that he's making it personal.

I think if Gore were elected, we wouldn't be in this mess.

I think "shock and awe" as a military slogan is the type of rhetoric suitable only for terrorists and undereducated zealots.

I don't think war should be the new reality TV.

I think the dumb jocks are in charge.

If Sadaam Hussein is dead, then that means the war is over, right? Right?? Hello?!?

I support the troops.

I am sickened by American arrogance.

I wonder who told George Bush that the Iraqi people are hungry for our glorious capitalism.

I think Donald Rumsfeld is one slimy motherfucker.

I don't think we learn from our mistakes.

I think it's hard to kill one specific person with a cruise missile.

I think it's probably pretty easy, however, to kill and wound hundreds of nonspecific people with one.

All we are saying, is give peace a chance.

OK, so where the hell is Condoleeza Rice during all of this?

I think Osama Bin Laden got away.

But most importantly, I don't think, I know that this war will eventually bite us in the ass.

I hope Georgie knows that the whole world pretty much despises him right now.

Now, where's the guy who shot Kennedy when you need him?

2003-03-20T08:35:00.000-08:00

It's officially war.

I'm now trying to prepare myself for the bad news that will come our way. I'm trying to grasp the fact that every news channel will now be redundant with war news, and the Americans will yet again dramatize to the core. What else could be worse than a war? I'm sure CNN will find more things to freak about to keep us shitting our pants.

But, other than that, it's officially war, simple as fucking that.

I'm scared that we, as Americans, have to get ready to live every day like the Israelis have for years.

Americans, don't fucking shit bricks.

Americans, it's alright to be pro-American, but don't hate countries that aren't supporting America.

It's also alright to be anti-war, but pro-troops. Taking a stand against war, but supporting the armed forces that are forced into it is, in my opinion, the most patriotic thing you can do.

Americans, the fries you eat are French.

Americans, the vodka you drink is Russian.

Iraq has a bomb America wants to take away, yet America has a bomb that is egotistically called "The Mother of all Bombs"...

Who is right? Who is wrong?

My heart goes out to the innocent.

I'm sorry.

2003-03-20T08:32:00.000-08:00

saw this in someone else's journal and thought it was smart:

"Hi.

First of all, you are fat. You are ugly. You stink. Your breath stinks. You are unpopular. Your car sucks. Your house sucks. You suck. Your life sucks. You are not witty. You are not smart. You are stupid. You are ignorant. You are inadaquate. You will never make it in this world. You are unpopular. You will never amount to anything. You are nothing. Your diet is poor. You have low self-esteem. You have cellulite. You have ugly toenails. You have blackheads. You have body hair where it shouldn't be. Your eyeballs are not white enough. Your teeth are not white enough. You are not white enough.

Secondly, you are fat. You should go on a diet. You should eat more hamburgers. Your tits are not big enough. Your tits are too small. Your tits aren't small enough or big enough. You need implants. Your dick is too small. You are inadaquate. Your nose isn't right. Your ass is too big. You need cosmetic surgery. You need make-up. You should make yourself sick. You should eat more hamburgers. Your dress sense sucks. You suck. You have no style. You're one of the crowd. You are a follower. You are a freak. You are a lable. You don't fit in. You are a lah-hoo-ser. You have no charisma. You are not sexy enough. You are not glamourous. You are not glamourous enough. You need more glamour. You suck. Your favorite band sucks. Your favorite brand sucks. Your clothes suck. Your shoes suck. You suck. You are retarded. You don't have enough money. You should work harder. You don't have enough things. You need more things. You are unhappy. You need more. You are unsatisfied. You are not moving forward. You never decend further. You are not keeping up the pace. You are lagging behind. You are one step behind the rest. You are doing it all wrong. You need to change. You need to see that change is good. You need to follow us. You need to be individual. You need to fit in. You need to think outside the square. You need to think outside the box. You need to think outside the bun. You need to eat more hamburgers. You are too fat. You are aware you are too fat. You shouldn't be fat. You need to stand out. You need to know the rules. You need to know the secrets. You should be yourself.

Thirdly, you are fat. Your legs wobble too much. Your teeth are crooked. Your face is wrong. You should change. You need change. You should know that change is good. You are not thin enough. You are too thin. You are too thin and too fat in incorrect places. You need to eat more hamburgers. You are lactose intolerant. You are iron deficient. Your cholesterol is too high and your calcium level is too low. You should eat more hamburgers. Your blood pressure is too high. Your iron level is too low. You need to have liposuction. You need to loose weight. You suffer from premature ejaculation. You are far too dependant on drugs. You need to buy more drugs. You need more money to buy more drugs. You are inadaquate. You are bipolar. You have attention deficit hyperactive disorder. You have post-traumatic stress disorder. You suffer from depression. You're all kinds of messed up. You are manic. Your mental health is poor. Your well-being is inactive. You are not happy enough. You need to buy more drugs. You suffer from road rage. You suffer split-personality disorders. You suffer marriage problems. Your marital status sucks. You suck. You're ugly. You are not right. You need to buy more drugs. You should stop smoking. You should buy more cigarettes. You should smoke cigars. Cloves are fashionable. You have no style. You should stop smoking. You will get cancer. You will die anyway. you should have fun. You shouldn't have fun. You should be more fashonable. Cloves are fashionable. You shouldn't pollute. You should smoke cigars. You should have fun. You should drink alcohol. You should keep ahead. You are lagging behind. You should be individual. You shouldn't care about what you do. You are free. You should go your own way. You should follow us. You watch too much television. You need to stay tuned. You are fat because you watch too much television. You should read fashion magazines. You have no style. You should feel inferior to fashion modles and television stars. Your ass is too fat. You should get off your fat ass. You should watch more television. You should be individual. You shouldn't be fat. You are wrong. You could look like that. Your hair is bad. Because you're worth it. You're fat. You're ugly. You procrastinate. You need help. You're doing it all wrong. You suck. You are a statistic. You are going to be a star one day. You are nothing. You should eat more hamburgers. You should drink more syrup. You should buy more cigarettes. You are too fat. You should not be who you are. You have to change.

Hello. My name is Marketing. Now buy my fucking product."

2003-03-20T08:26:00.000-08:00

You're A Song To Sing! You're serious and grown
up. You're looking for a friend to borrow.
And you seem to have lost your radio.

Which Hanson song describes you the most?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-03-10T08:27:00.000-08:00

Five details about your appearance right now...
[x] black three quarter sleeve shirt
[x] jeans
[x] black boots
[x] jewelry
[x] hair is down and wavy

Five things you did today...
[x] got up
[x] went to class.
[x] came back and read
[x] watched maury povich.
[x] did this stinkin' survey bc i have time to kill

Five dumb/funny memorable things...
[x] the way meghan crossed the street last night.
[x] making fun of rachel while being out on friday night.
[x] DONT WORRY BE MORMON
[x] me and eric making fun of eachother in the car.. " i love the way you say mazel tov..." "and i love the way you say 'da da da'"
[x] waterhouse being stupid during practice

Five things that everyone should know about you...
[x] i am NOT a long island girl. I may live there, but I'm not FROM there
[x] ive turned into this huge theatre freak and if i could change my major, i would.
[x] i'm in love
[x] i have some big hoo- hoos..hehe *right on kimmy! haha* --> lol melissa, you crack me up. i have medium-sized hoo-hoos.
[x] im really outoging once i get to know you and i feel like icould come out of my shell

Five things you are looking forward to/or want to happen...
[x] summer time!
[x] rent in NYC.
[x) easter.
[x] going to atlantic city again
[x] kissing eric

Five favourite movies...
[x] moulin rouge
[x] john q
[x] patch adams
[x] armageddon
[x] west side story

Five things that make you happy...
[x] getting letters in the mail
[x] cheesy bread
[x] dressing up
[x] my best friends <3
[x] my cd burner :)

five things that disgust/annoy you...
[x] fake/jappy people.
[x] people that dont work for anything, everything they have is handed to them on a silver plate
[x] people's obsession that the olsen twins are supposedly gonna go to college here.
[x] when professors just dont give a shit
[x] throwing up

Five things you can?t live without...
[x] eric
[x] family and friends
[x] makeup..sad, but true
[x] music/singing
[x] a job

Five things you'll do when you complete this...
[x] go to lunch
[x] go to class
[x] go to chemistry after
[x] go to the gym
[x] eat dinner and study

Five things you feel right now...
[x] happy
[x] stressed
[x] horny
[x] tired
[x] worn out

2003-03-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

ANGER

1. Who did you last get angry with? a certain annoying floormate.
2. What is your weapon of choice? my fist :)
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? i have.
4. How about of the same sex? if she deserves it
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? probably my mother and for no reason at all
6. What is your pet peeve? when im interrupted when im studying!!! when people talk and chew at the same time, when somebody jumps in when im in the middle of talking
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? it depends on the person that im holding the grudge on. --> right-o

SLOTH

1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? ummm...shower? J/K! i really dont know...
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? 3pm.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: melissa bc I have camp questions
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? "too much schoolwork"
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? yup..theyre frighteningly persuasive.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? friday.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? at least six times :)

GLUTTONY

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? snapple rasberry peach.
2. Meat eaters: um, yes i eat meat
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? two weekends ago.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? nope.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? at times
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? i love it all :X
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"? jumping jesus, no!

LUST

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? one
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family? one 3.
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? lol no.
4. Have you "done it"? come on, you can say the "s" word. SEX. and the answer is no.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? hands
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? prostitutes no; lesbians yes.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? no.

GREED

1. How many credit cards do you own? zero
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? charlotte russe
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? pay for mine and my sisters college, pay off my parents mortgage, and then GO SHOPPING
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? famous.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? no.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? when i was little
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? i have like, 800 files on kazaa...

1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? my grades in high school, everything i did in high school, especially Gypsy.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? probably going away fr college and being independent --> possibly. either that or not turning into one of those kids who drinks and smokes constantly.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? happiness
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? depends.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? no. i hate contests
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? um, high school? quizzes? everyone cheats at SOME point in their life.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? i understood calc!! thats such a feat for me!

1. What item (or person) of your friend's would you most want to have for your own? i'm jealous of meghan's enormous Tiffany jewelry collection
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? meghan bc we have the same taste (although we dress differently, which is weird...)
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? i'd be myself, only I'd change my life rather that who I am.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? nope
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? yes
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? i wish i had erics passion
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? no
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? your mother. HOLLA

2003-03-09T18:19:00.000-08:00

by the way, my english "professor" is a nimwit.

2003-03-09T18:18:00.000-08:00

well.

its been a while.

Vagina went fabulously! The show was fantastic, everyone who saw it loved it! People I don't even know come up to me on the street or in class and tell me that they really enjoyed it...thats such a great feeling. We still don't know how much money we made (we donate it all to charity) but I'm sure its up there since we sold out totally on the last night. What makes me even happier is that my whole family came and saw it, even Eric.

things at school are so incredibly hectic. i havent gone out this weekend just from the sheer amount of work that i needed to get done. i have one major paper due next week and two MAJOR exams to study for.

other than that, theres not much else to write about. my life has reached this sort of lulled-down regularity. classes are the same, weekends are the same...life is pretty much...the same. but i'm still having fun.

holy shit, its so funny to go back and read what i posted a year ago...

2003-02-12T19:21:00.000-08:00

today i did something that i've never done before because i've never had the guts to do it...i actually discussed something in english today! lol. lord knows i hate talking to the class because i'm scare i'm gonna say something wrong and they're all gonna think i'm this big idiot, but i opened my mouth and spoke my mind and nearly everyone wound up agreeing with what i was saying. yay me :)

its weird. i'm fine with oral presentations (probably because theyre rehearsed), but i hate socratic seminars. the idea behind them is good, but theres something about them that just irks me.

Vagina is in two weeks! The only thing thats worrying me is seeing my father squirm in the audience...i wonder if rachel from road rules will still be joining us...

its amazing how all this time has gone by, nearly two years, and blogger.com is still a free service...ok, i should really go knock on someting after just typing that.

2003-02-10T17:57:00.000-08:00

i'm back at school and its really weird, but in a good way. vacation seemed to both fly and crawl by at the same time, if that makes any sense. i'm just numb with emotion right now and can't sort out what i'm feeling. its nice to be back, but i miss eric terribly. it feels the same as it did when he left for camp and when i left in september to come to school, as crazy as that sounds. i just have to remember that he's gonna be in delaware for Vagina...

2003-01-24T20:54:00.000-08:00

i wish i could post pictures on this thing. damnit.

2003-01-20T16:32:00.000-08:00

I have an itch to get back on a stage somewhere, somehow.

theyre doing Kiss Me, Kate at UD this spring. auditions are being held the week i get back. I also have Vagina in March, I think? I don't even know when the show is.

somethings gnawing at my stomach, taunting and whispering to me with: college isn't like high school, you jerk. you'll never get a worthwhile part in this musical if you try out, if even a part at all. its much easier to be "talented" in a class of two hundred than forty-five hundred. do you have any idea how many people are gonna be at the auditions? people that have been singing and acting way longer than you are, that have been in dozens of shows ever since elementary school when you've only been in one measly, poorly put-together, poorly-funded play? people that will make you look like the amateur that you are, grind your face in the dirt? shit, you're gonna choke!

this semester is probably gonna be harder than the last, seeing that im taking a more advanced chem and *gulp* calculus (such a dirty word, calculus). i don't even know if i could handle the workload combined with all the demands of a play and i need a higher GPA this semester than the one i got last semester.

i'm gonna work my patootie off, harder than before. i'm gonna get a tutor if im having trouble with math. i'm gonna do practice examples every night till i get them right. i'm gonna write the best damn english papers and re-learn all the spanish back. and by god, i will get that damn 3.7!!!

2003-01-15T13:07:00.000-08:00

::::SURVEY:::::

What band/artist have you been playing the most this month?
Different Broadway show soundtracks: Annie Get Your Gun, Rent, Annie, Chicago, Gypsy, Jesus Christ Superstar, etc...

What was the last CD you bought?
The Chicago motion picture musical soundtrack and the rent Original Broadway Cast recording Soundtrack

Do you like mix tapes/CDs?
Yup, theyre the only kind of cd's I burn

What genres of music do you most enjoy?
anything and everything

What song/album/artist do you play in the bath?
I tke in my Broadway stuff and sing along to it

Name a band/song that is special to you, and explain why: "I will Come To You" By Hanson bc whenever I hear it, I feel like I'm 13 again and thats a beautiful thing to feel. "I Miss You" by Incubus because it's mine and eric's song, along with "I'll Cover You" from Rent and other things. "Knock Three Times" because it reminds me of car rides to atlantic city.

What song never fails to make you cry? "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle

If you could go on stage with anyone + duet with them; who would it be, what song would you sing, and why? Jesus Christ, where to begin...it has to be something fun...I'd have to say "Walk This Way" with Aerosmith because I was so jealous of Britney when I watched the Superbowl Halftime show.

Does your style match your music taste? I guess so...I wear a lot of different styles, just like i like a lot of different types of music.

What band/song could you never get bored of? These are the songs I will listen to any time of day, and can listen to over and over and over again and not get sick of them.
"You Are My Special Angel" - Bobby Vinton
"I Miss You " - Incubus
"Funny Hubby" - Chicago
"Finale" - Rent
"At Last" - Etta James

List six bands + a song of theirs that you love (in no particular order):
1 - LifeHouse - breathing
2 - Weezer - Butterfly
3 - Puddle of Mudd - she hates me (i know, i know...)
4 - Incubus - Echo
5 - Boston - Cool The Engines
6 - Coldplay - Yellow

If you had a band - what would you call them and what would be your role? no idea what I would call them but I'd be the singer

Have you ever been in love with a song/band? Yes.

Is there any song that you just can't bare to listen to because of the memories?
(if so, what + why) "last Kiss" by eddie vedder because it reminds me of karen

1) Last dream: last night about me sneaking over erics house whenever i wasnt supposed to be there and getting caught
2) Last car ride: home from best buy and aunt carols house
3) Last kiss: about a half hour ago when eric left
4) Last person you kissed: eric
5) Last good cry: last week...i forget why
6) Last Missing Library Book: lol something that had to do with my serial killer senior project
7) Last movie seen: Chicago
8) Last Book Read: The Diary of Anne Frank
9) Last curse word uttered: Shit
10) Last beverage drank: water..is that even a beverage?
11) Last Food consumed: raviolis..for breakfast. heh heh
12) Last Crush: eric
13) Last phone call: melissa
14) Last TV show watched: osbournes
15) Last Item Bought: two cd's last night
16) Last time showered: this morning
17) Last shoes worn: sneakers from when i was exercising this morning
18) Last CD played: Chicago soundtrack
19) Last MP3 Downloaded: some andrea bocelli
20) Last annoyance: mickey wont leave me alone!
21) Last disappointment: no idea
22) Last soda drank: diet coke
23) Last thing written: heh?
24) Last key used: backspace
25) Last word spoken: "mine" - the last word of "Funny Hubby
26) Last trip to the bathroom: 40 minutes ago when eric was throwing up in my toilet
27) Last sleep: last night
28) Last IM: yrmyheartthrob
29) Last song you listened to: "when youre good to mama" - chicago
30) Last time you yelled at someone: before at mickie31) Last weird encounter: Avril.
32) Last Store Shopped at: best buy
33) Last ice cream eaten: i havent had icve cream in soo long..probably cookie dough
34) Last time amused: before
35) Last time wanting to die: last july
36) Last time in love: now
37) Last time hugged: saying goodbye to eric
38) Last time kissed on the cheek: ditto
39) Last time humped: lolol
40) Last time scolded: a few days ago for answering back
41) Last time resentful: never
42) Last chair sat in: THIS ONE
43) Last lipstick used: clinique..i forget its name
44) Last underwear worn: blue leopard thong, lol
45) Last bra worn: dark blue satin
46) Last shirt worn: the one i exercised in
47) Last class attended: haha...december 12th
48) Last Final taken: december 20
49) Last time dancing: this morning
50) Last poster looked at: moulin rouge
51) Last concert attended: paul mccartney baby!!!
52) Last webpage visited: quizilla.com

2003-01-11T14:39:00.000-08:00

i honestly dont know why, but i cant seem to sleep well lately. ill wake up earlier than i need to in the morning, still tired, and i wont be able to fall back asleep and ill just lay there forever trying to. its the most frustrating thing.

people are going back to school already and i still have a little less than a month to go. its the weirdest thing, but i'm so glad i have this long break.

2003-01-10T23:16:00.000-08:00

now, i am in no way a justin timberlake fan, but i must say: he looks mighty fine on the cover of the latest rolling stone. like, i don't want to admit it, but damn. he. looks. good.

everyone go see Chicago. Go see it now. Go go goooooo.

2003-01-05T18:00:00.000-08:00

what is currently bugging the shit out of me: Joey Fatone was in Rent as Mark Cohen and now Kevin Richardson is cast in Chicago as Billy Flynn (yet the surprising, heartening thing about this is that nobody seems to care). a movie-version of the play is now in theatres.

i hate how now that some big piece of theatre-related entertainment goes mainstream, for ten seconds, everyone and their mother thinks theatre is cool.

...tis just another trend of the week.

2003-01-01T19:57:00.000-08:00

Resolutions:
1. Exercise at least three times a week
2. Cut down on junk food (well, at least for a while) and eat at a salad every day.
3. Read for at least one hour a day.
4. See as many Broadway shows as I can.
5. Make a SHITLOAD of money!!!!!
6. Write something at least six times a week.
7. Subscribe to a magazine that publishes some sort of medical/health-related material, albeit be accurate, informative and intriguing.

Santa has brung:
1. my beautiful, beloved, and oh-so-coveted black nylon kate spade bag. its like guilt wrapped up in the form of the perfect purse.
2. Chance perfume by Chanel and the lotion that goes with it
3. a beautiful ring from Eric among other things :)
4. beautiful white sapphire earrings from my daddy
5. loads of money and gift certificates

the sucky thing about christmas this year: eric wasn't there

surprisingly, new years eve...rocked...this year. I actually had a genuine good time.

Re-reading: The Diary of Anne Frank and A Wrinkle in Time: two oldies but goodies. I'm so angry that I left the books that I bought the day I went home in my dorm. I had bought two Wally Lamb novels: I Know This Much Is True and She's Come Undone as well as Toni Morrison's Paradise, the only book she's penned that I haven't read yet. Three books in near-perfect condition all for eleven dollars - i love vintage bookstores! My novel collection is going to be colossal by the end of this year.

my goal for the next month that I have off is to read an introductory anatomy book from start to finish.

Oy, I forgot! I saw Rent again, and it was just as fabulous as the first time.

that's all for now. i'll be blogging more often again because i'm home! yay!

2002-12-27T08:41:00.000-08:00

here i am, blogging from my own house again! :) i hope all of you had a wonderful christmas and santa was good to you all

2002-12-16T18:33:00.000-08:00

my family didnt decorate the tree after all! well, they did, but only the lights. theyre gonna wait for me to get home before they put the ornaments up :) i was so happy when my dad told me.

im home in four days for a month and a half. i am in such shock about that. i have a month w/ my friends and a lil more time with eric, which will be amazing. AND im seeing rent again this sunday!!!

its so weird to think that my first semester of college is finished already. it went by so fast; so much faster than i thought it would. im halfway done with my finals a 97 on psych (yeehaw!) and i dunno what on chem. what im reaaaaally excited for, though, is the major shopping spree im going on once i get all my christmas money together. its gonna be sick.

speaking of xmas gifts, i need to start making my family's cd's pronto. I have about 8 to make, 9 if you count kristie.

anyway, theres really nothing much else to say. the only reason i really updated this was because melissa was riding my ass last night about my NOT updating..so here ya go mel! lol. i know its lame but its the best i can do.

i cant wait for all the late night hangouts to start again :)

2002-12-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

my mom called and told me last night that they decorated the tree and the rest of the house. and i got really sad. this is the first year in 18 years that I wasn't there for it and it doesn't feel right. nonetheless, im still happy its christmas season, my favorite time of the year. im doing the best i can to make delaware feel as christmas-y as possible...i decorated my door and inside my room and aunt carol made me her xmas butter cookies to take back. but its not the same at all.

2002-11-22T14:15:00.000-08:00

"i've been married twice before, but i've never had a marriage." - j. lo.

no shit, sherlock.

2002-11-19T20:47:00.000-08:00

my grandma gave me a phone card that she had started using and when i tried it, there were no minutes left on it at all! thanks gram!

omg im home in a week...

2002-11-16T21:41:00.000-08:00

Which Britney are you? Find out!

Which Part of a Meal Are You?Find out!

2002-11-16T16:43:00.000-08:00

heh heh this is funny...

How Horny Are You? Find out!

Which Flower Are You?Find out!

if jasmine were one of the choices, i sooo would have been her...

Which Disney Princess are You?Find out!

im off to get ready to get my party on! *big smile*

2002-11-16T15:42:00.000-08:00

arggh im going crazy without meghan here to keep me sane!!!!

2002-11-15T15:44:00.000-08:00

of all the nights when i could feel like shit, WHY does it have to be FRIDAY night?!?

2002-11-15T11:42:00.000-08:00

Which flock do you follow?

this quiz was made by alanna

You are an angel.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

Congratulations, you're a Pillywiggin, a trouping flower fae.
What kind of female faerie are you?
Take the female faerie quizby Paradox.

2002-11-09T22:44:00.000-08:00

Survey time...

I love – my parents, gabby, eric, mickie, friends, home, my aunts, my grandparents, kristie, smiles, rainbows, crisp spring days, birds chirping, warm sunshine, happiness, the feeling of being underwater, peacefulness, sleeping in the sun in the grass in my yard, being awake in the morning and feeling alive, having friends who care about me, how exhausted I feel after a good workout, grandma's chicken cacciatore, yummy food, sweet juicy peaches and strawberries in the summer, music, singing, ice cold mineral water, the full feeling you get after a good meal, moulin rouge, cuddling with eric, kissing eric, holding eric, hugs, the closeness of my family especially during the holidays, watching the clouds, my hair when its wavy and romantic-looking, the beach, the ocean, aquariums, Chocolate Brownie Frappucino's at Starbucks, having good, intellectual, meaningful conversations with people, the pain in your stomach when you laugh for a long time, the tingly feeling I get whenever eric tells me he loves me, Domino's cheesy bread, soup, hot tubs, late night phone conversations with eric, the feeling when you’re so happy you just wanna run around in circles and you feel like your heart is going to explode you are so happy, the people that are there for me when I am upset or depressed, skim milk with ice, naps, feeling completely safe and protected, the combination of chinese food and movies, sunday morning breakfast, good books that make you think, smile, and reflect, musicals and the magic of live theatre, snow and the way it looks when it blankets everything and clings to the branches on trees, white roses, the sense of utter satisfaction, the rush of being up onstage, new york city, cooking for my family, making others happy, being taken care of, snuggling under warm blankets, old movies, beautiful days, the breeze, and vivid flowers.

I care – about my family more than anything in the world (no need to look for your name, eric, because you ARE my family too..but you knew that already), my friends, and other people

I always – have an opinion; speak my mind

I am not – a person that I am not proud of

I believe – as corny as it sounds, in the four bohemian principles, so cliche, but they make so much sense: freedom, beauty, truth, and love

I have faith – in eric: the person that he is and that he'll grow into and the influential musician that he will undoubtedly become

I cringe – when i hear about things or see things that I'd rather not

I sing – when I get the itch

I cry – when i'm PMSing, when i feel helpless and confused, at hallmark commercials, the wedding show on TLC, when eric says
something so sweet i dont know how else to react, during maury povich, oprah, driven and behind the music episodes when they show the artists winning awards in the end and their hard work paying off..yeah yeah i know i know...

I do not always – have the most patience that one should have

I fail – when I have not tried my hardest

I fight – for causes worthy to me and with myself at times

I write – blog entries, private journal entries, and the occasional prose when i get the urge to

I won – all that i think i've needed to at this point in my life and i WILL KICK ERIC'S ASS in tennis. You're going DOWN, baby!

I lose – when i don't give it my all

I never – act better then anyone else; eat mustard

I confuse – myself

I listen – to other people

I can usually be found – studying or with meghan

I am – me! No other way to put it.

I expect – to get what i give in return

I need – love in my life. family, friends. without that, nothing matters.

2002-10-31T11:36:00.000-08:00

I would give anything to be able to dress up in a fun costume and go partying tonight like everyone else, but alas...it is thursday. and thursdays suck my ass.

2002-10-30T10:27:00.000-08:00

I just heard the new Mariah song and saw the video. Old Mariah is coming back, baby! Boo yah!! No more of that cheap, slutty, breathy, i'm-trying-too-hard-to-be-sexy shit anymore! I wonder if the video is about her parents?

so its rainy and drab and bleary outside and in pennsylvania, where melissa is, its snowing. so not fair.

i go home in two days...ask me how excited i am to see eric again :) Speaking of which, everyone congratulate eric for passing his road test!

Alex's grades so far:
Intro to Biology: A+
Chemistry: B+
Psychology: A-
Calc: B

I'm happy with them so far, but I gotta get my chem grade up to an A- at least and my B in calc to a B+. if only i didnt have such shitty professors.

im trying hard to update this blog more often since apparently my lack of updates is "obnoxious" according to melissa. am i doing better, mel?

2002-10-27T20:24:00.000-08:00

My Short Skirt

My short skirt
is not an invitation
a provocation
an indication
that I want it
or give it
or that I hook.

My short skirt
is not begging for it
it does not want you
to rip it off me
or pull it down.

My short skirt
is not a legal reason
for raping me
although it has been before
it will not hold up
in the new court.

My short skirt, believe it or not
has nothing to do with you.

My short skirt
is about discovering
the power of my lower calves
about cool autumn air traveling
up my inner thighs
about allowing everything I see
or pass or feel to live inside.

My short skirt is not proof
that I am stupid
or undecided
or a malleable little girl.

My short skirt is my defiance
I will not let you make me afraid
My short skirt is not showing off
this is who I am
before you made me cover it
or tone it down.
Get used to it.

My short skirt is happiness
I can feel myself on the ground.
I am here. I am hot.

My short skirt is a liberation
flag in the women's army
I declare these streets, any streets
my vagina's country.

My short skirt
is turquoise water
with swimming colored fish
a summer festival
in the starry dark
a bird calling
a train arriving in a foreign town
my short skirt is a wild spin
a full breath
a tango dip
my short skirt is
initiation
appreciation
excitation.

But mainly my short skirt
and everything under it
is Mine.
Mine.
Mine.
- My Short Skirt, The Vagina Monologues

My Vagina Was My Village: Introduction
Bosnian women refugees were interviewed during the war in Yugoslavia, in refugee camps and centers.

Twenty to seventy-thousand women were raped in the middle of Europe as a systematic tactic of war. It was shocking to see how little people did to stop it. But, then again, in this country, in the last year, over seven hundred thousand women are raped, and in theory we're not at war.

This monologue is based on one woman's story. She was Muslim as were many of the women interviewed. Rape had never been a part of their communities before the war. We do it tonight for that woman and the extraordinary women of Bosnia and Kosova.

My Vagina Was My Village

My vagina was green, water soft pink fields, cow mooing sun resting sweet boy friend touching lightly with soft piece of blonde straw.

There is something between my legs. I do not know what it is. I do not know where it is. I do not touch. Not now. Not anymore. Not since.

My vagina was chatty, can't wait, so much, so much saying words talking, can't quit trying, can't quit saying, oh yes, oh yes.

Not since I dream there's a dead animal sewn in down there with thick black fishing line. And the bad dead animal smell cannot be removed. And its throat is slit and it bleeds through all my summer dresses.

My vagina singing all girl songs, all goat bell ringing songs, all wild autumn field songs, vagina songs, vagina home songs.

Not since the soldiers put a long thick rifle inside me. So cold, the steel rod canceling my heart. Don't know whether they're going to fire it or shove it though my spinning brain. Six of them, monstrous doctors with black masks shoving bottles up me too. There were sticks and the end of a broom.

My vagina swimming river water, clean spilling water over sun-baked stones over stone clit, clit stones over and over.

Not since I heard the skin tear and made lemon screeching sounds, not since a piece of my vagina came off in my hand, a part of the lip, now one side of the lip is completely gone.

My vagina. A live wet water village. My vagina my hometown.

Not since they took turns for seven days smelling like feces and smoked meat, they left their dirty sperm inside me. I became a river of poison and pus and all the crops died, and the fish.

My vagina a live wet water village.
They invaded it. Butchered it
and burned it down.
I do not touch now.
Do not visit.
I live some place else now.
I don't know where that is.
- My Vagina Was My Village, The Vagina Monologues

2002-10-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

After seeing Rent:
- I can't decide which is better: rock musicals or the traditional kind with a pit. Both can be amazing, although I have to say the music in Rent kicked the shit out of Gyspy's (but i still love it!).

- Joey Fatone is even uglier (and fatter) in person.

- But that doesn't mean he wasn't good. Quite the contrary, really.

- The usual *NSync fans, when in different circumstances than concerts, can actually be...respectful. Which I was very pleased with.

- People still don't know how to turn off their cell phones at the appropriate times and places

- overall, it ripped 42nd Street a new asshole

It was incredible. It lived up to every expectation and everything I've ever heard about it. Brava!

Saturday, in general, was just incredible. Having dinner and walking through NYC in the rain under an umbrella, hanging onto the arm of the person I love the most in the whole world was just heaven for me. It didn't matter to me whether or not it was my birthday; it would have been just as amazing if it weren't. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Me and Eric both made an agreement to see two shows a year together, where we'll alternate treating eachother.

As if you all didn't know already, I love Eric. I want to make it loud and clear that he really is my everything and all I could ever ask for. This is no puppy love situation, and certainly not a fling. I don't know exactly why I'm writing this in my blog, I just feel the urge to scream it, to shout it off the rooftops that I love Eric Lense and he loves me and we're in this for the long run. I LOVE YOU ERIC!!! :)

As you can plainly see, I had the most amazing birthday.

2002-10-10T18:31:00.000-07:00

tomorrow it will be illegal for me and eric to have sex. i find that quite amusing.

(if you didn't already know, i'm turning 18.)

2002-10-10T18:29:00.000-07:00

"It starts with this: put your desk in the corner, and every time you sit down there to write, remind yourself why it isn't in the middle of the room. Life isn't a support-system for art. It's the other way around." - Stephen King, On Writing

everyone read this book. go. now!

2002-10-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

What Hanson Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-10-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

conclusion: college leaves little time for blogging

what I want:
- a 4.0 GPA. well, not really; i'm really aiming for a 3.7 but i know i have a better chance to get it if i set my standards higher than i want to achieve. i want to be accepted into the medical scholars program with flying colors, the spring session research team no questions asked next year. i want my professors to write me phenomenal, boasting letters of recommendation. most of all, i want to be respected and looked upon like i was from my teachers in high school, as well we get the grades that i need to get me into medical school.

- to see a movie, for god's sake! four feathers looks absolutely incredible and sweet home alabama looks adorable ( i have a newfound respect for reese witherspoon after begrudgingly watching legally blonde...and actually liking it!) and tuck everlasting! one of my favorite books from middle school; they've made a movie about it (granted the book will be better, as it always is when they make novels into motion pictures)! tuck ever-fucking-lasting!!!

i'm trying to make it seem like it makes no difference that heath ledger and joshua jackson are in two of those movies, but it really does ;)

- to hug and hold and kiss and feel eric

- to bond with my sister in that sisterly-kinda way

- a bigger dorm room

i'm dropping weight like crazy from the lack of decent food here. i don't think i've ever eaten more salad in my entire life than i have in the past month and a week. i need to find a scale somewhere to see how much i've actually lost (...but its not like i'm complaining).

lifehouse has a new cd out! yay! too bad i dont have the money to buy it! boo!

heh, for all of the people that have reading this blog since its very beginning, remember my YAY/BOO list? heh...

2002-09-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

i hate this heat.

i'm home in a week, yay! :)

2002-09-15T19:29:00.000-07:00

well, its been quite the while.

i've been busy, now being at college and at class and studying and socializing and talking hours upon hours to eric on the phone. i almost don't even know what to say except that its still surreal to me. like, i'm in college? huh?

did anyone notice the weather on september 11th? it was windy and grey and very...unsettled. it was like God made the weather a reflection of what everyone was feeling that day. it kinda irked me and i wish i could have been home.

i wish i could write something interesting but right now i'm numb. my head is positively swimming with psychology and chemistry terms and math equations from all the studying i've done as of late. HELP!!!

2002-08-29T22:32:00.000-07:00

not surprising: the new hanson clips are...pretty great. funny that they've been up on the website for the past three months and i've only downloaded them tonight...heh...

but in all, i'm glad i'm no longer infatuated.

2002-08-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

i dont wanna leave i dont wanna leave i dont wanna leave.

i wish i was going to school closer. i really do.

in other news, my new computer is amazing. its orgasmic. im on it right now. it kicks ass. i can just feel the anticipation of all the cd's i'm going to burn once i get to delaware.

but other than that, i dont wanna leave. however, the only thing thats really scaring me is saying good-bye...again...to eric. its not gonna be pretty and i get nausous (sp?) every time i think about it.

2002-08-25T20:51:00.000-07:00

well, this is it. the end of the beginning, the beginning of the end.

this is my last week home; i'm in the home stretch of my time between summer and going to school. steph's gone. melissa's gone. jerry's gone. george, grace, even heather, are all gone. christine, corrine, and lisa will be gone on thursday. i leave sunday, a week from now. in one week ill be sitting in the confines of my dorm room, but hopefully ill be out doing something and meeting people.

Why I'm so glad I'm dorming in Rodney Hall: first off, i have a single. secondly, inside my dorm, there's a dining hall. and a gym. and a convenience store. plus, it's air conditioned. i almost never have to leave except to go to class!

eric just called and he's at kennedy airport and will be home in a half an hour :)

2002-08-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

i said good-bye to three of my best friends last night: melissa, jerry, and steph. not a "good-bye forever", i suppose, but a "good-bye for now" type of deal. none the less, it was really very sad. it all seemed so final, even though we all knew it wasn't. i just can't imagine not being able to call steph up at her house to just talk to her and not calling her or melissa or jerry up and going, "what are you doing tonight?" it doesn't seem right to me. none of this "going away" shit seems right to me...

2002-08-17T07:23:00.000-07:00

yesterday i spent the entire day with eric just basically doing nothing. it was good. really good. it felt good to be held again.

i never mentioned that father vogel stopped by my aunt's house last week to bless me before i went to school.

2002-08-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

he's home, he's home, he's home! watch me as i throw confetti into the air and dance around like a mad ballerina!

2002-08-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

i've just decided that i'm never highlighting my hair. ever.

eric comes home tomorrow.

2002-08-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

i stole Invisible Man by ralph ellison from the book room at school during the last week and i cant bring myself to read it. its supposed to be phenomenally written, which i don't doubt, but...its about the black struggle in america. i know this is a huge issue and also a huge part of history, but i'm sorry, im just sick of reading about it, especially after having brennan for two years who unrenderingly beat the same ideas repeatedly into our brains over and over over again.

i want to read about asians, or native americans, or irishmen, or jews or something else for once. the italian american struggle of early america, the japanese expulsion on the west coast during WWII, or chinese geisha girls during early communist china. i am not saying that the black struggle of america was underrated in any way or should not be talked about, i'm just saying that i want to read about something different for once.

work was busy as hell today. we had a table of fifteen people and a table of sixteen people come in at the same time, and on top of that, forty more people waiting on line to sit while the dining room was already filled up.

i haven't been to a concert all summer. this is so disappointing.

i watched the robin williams stand up comedy special on hbo tonight for the third time and its fucking brilliant.

2002-08-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

i was walking around outside Harmon yesterday after work and just thinking about how beautiful the weather was when an asshole driving by catcalled at me and completely shit over my beautiful thoughts. it wasn't even a general catcall. it was a rude honk, followed by a weird grunt and a pink slimey tongue wagging in and out of his ugly perverted little orafice of a mouth. at me. i could have kicked him hard where it hurts if he hadn't been cruising around the parking lot in a car. i would have liked to be homocidal and hurt him really, really badly. God, i hope birds shit all over that pathetic bastard and his peice of shit car. i hate men like that. hate hate hate them. hope they die and crust up in hell and get their bloated fleshy heads chewed up by toothy blood-soaked merciless hounds.

it wasnt the first time its ever happened to me, but i swear that whenever it does happen, it fucking feels like the first time: that goosebumpy, feeling in your stomach that makes you feel like youre less than human, you're an object, a toy, a face and a body and nothing else in between or inside. like you're shit, in other words.

fucking damn all fucking perverts to fucking hell. stupid fucks.

2002-08-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

because i so kick ass:

Which Of Our Beloved Movies Are You? by Hannah & Rachel

2002-08-06T20:12:00.000-07:00

im sitting here typing this on an unusually cool august night. crickets are singing outside my window in the most peaceful, comforting way and the water in my pool can be heard making gentle swish-swish noises from time to time. if it wasn't so cold outside, i'd be nightswimming.

i stayed in tonight, by choice, i suppose. i didn't really call anyone to find out if anything was going on. i just tried to watch the Lost World: Vancouver thing on mtv, but couldn't bare to watch more than a half an hour, so for the rest of the night until now, i put on some music (some particularly bad christina aguilera ballads...well, maybe not that bad) and sang to them in my room. it was calming, and soothing, and replenishing, even though i couldn't hit half of the high notes that she can.

the play gave me confidence in myself. before when i'd sing to my cd's i'd sit timidly on my bed and sing just enough for me to hear myself, but not loud enough for anyone else in the house to hear. but now, i dont care; i just belt out whatever i feel like. its good. its fun.

i haven't seen jerry in a while. well, its probably only been a few days, i'm just used to seeing him much more often than that that it feels longer. every time i call his cell phone, his voicemail picks up. jerry, if you're reading this, i miss you!

i watched west side story the other day and it was ridiculously good. natalie wood positively shines in it, ten times more than she did as louise in gypsy. i'm mad at myself for waiting this long to see it.

the next musical i'm renting: thorougly modern millie

one more week till eric gets back. one more week till i'm in his arms and he's in mine, where we both belong.

2002-08-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

i just saw a picture of zac hanson's new haircut and the boy still has those gorgeous pillowy lips of his. he looks positively strapping.

i listened to This Time Around today for the first time in a very long time and i was reminded: it kicks ass.

dude, broadway tickets are mad expensive...

2002-08-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

so i was assigned a single at delaware. at first, when i found this out, i nearly panicked, but then i talked to steph and thought it over and now i suppose its more of a good thing than bad. for one, i wont have to share a room, which after having my own room for the past seven years, is a lot to give up when you think about it. i'm in charge of how my room is gonna be decorated. i wont have to worry about a neat freak of a roommate, or a total slob, either. and when people come visit me, they can stay in my room, no questions asked, and i wont have to worry about a roommate minding. and its not like ill be lonely or anything because everyone else around me has single dorms.

plus my dorm is air conditioned and that's always a plus.

i saw Goldmember yesterday with grace. it was definitely the weakest of the austin powers movies, but it was funny none the less. i think they were too caught up in lets-make-this-really-funny-by-using-the-same-humor-and-jokes-we've-been-using-from-day-one to make the plotline a little less confusing and a little more sensible. i didnt like beyonce knowles, either.

funny how the austin powers girls are starting to be like the ever-elusive bond girls. being an austin powers girl is a big deal now, almost as much of a big deal as being a bond girl, a role thats like the Holy Grail of all female sex symbol movie roles.

anywho, i'm on my way to bed, bath, and beyond with george to see if they still have the comforter i want for next year.

i just read my aim profile and its so disgustingly sappy.

2002-07-30T22:24:00.000-07:00

i watched a walk to remember tonight and enjoyed it immensely. i remember writing a blog entry about it when i saw it in the theatres, and i think my bitter criticism came from the fact that i had four annoying girls sitting down the row from me that swooned every time shane west came on screen. yes, it does have some stereo-typical teen movie themes and characters (including the "token black guy" which was so brilliantly demonstrated in not another teen movie), but all in all, its just a beautiful, beautiful love story. despite the fact that mandy moore has got to be the most annoying celebrity ever to live.

im making eric watch it with me when he gets back. it kinda resembles our relationship in a way.

jerry is sick and is losing mad weight. he says he hasnt slept and he forces himself to eat and has constant headaches. i'm getting ridiculously worried at this point. but at least he still has his humor:
rurouni j y: i already started talking to ppl who are gonna be freshie's at columbia. so at least i have some friends. haha
AGrrl4ITZ: well thats good
AGrrl4ITZ: i know no one lol
rurouni j y: u know jackie ingoglia and amanda pisano
rurouni j y: rofl
AGrrl4ITZ: oh they dont count!
rurouni j y: of course they don't lol
AGrrl4ITZ: smart ass
AGrrl4ITZ: lol
rurouni j y: ;-) u know it

i've been working out to exercise videos every morning for the past week and i've come to this conclusion: i dont care about my weight anymore. yes, i have body hang-ups just like any other person does and no, i'm not always content with the body that i have. but ya know what, its mybody. and its time to stop obsessing. this week has shown me how much i enjoy exercising just for the sake of exercising. it makes me feel good, like i put my body to use, which it was made to do. i love the feeling i get after working out, when you're all sweaty and out of breath and your limbs feel loose and limber and just feel so good, like you can run a marathon or something. i feel (dare i say it?)my sexiest after i'm done working out, which may sound crazy and completely ridiculous, but its the truth.

so, every morning, five days a week, on weekdays, i do an exercise video. so far i've bought four different ones: Tae Bo Basics, the Crunch Fat Burning Yoga, The Method Pilates, and The Crunch Master Fat Blaster. if anyone should care to join me, they're more than welcome to.

my computer came today! how excited am i! i even tipped the mailman five bucks. i feel bad for them, having to trek their asses through the what must be hellish weather for them during the summer (and winter). i even wanted to invite him in for a glass of water like edna (grammy) does for lou the mailman, but my mom thought it would be too weird.

on tomorrow's movie agenda: A Walk to Remember (again), Austin Powers Goldmember with grace (yeah baby!), and West Side Story if i can squeeze it in someplace.

i keep getting these freaky christian emails from liveprayer.org and i have no idea why. i never signed up for any daily newsletters, let alone any religious newsletter.

i had sushi today. yesssstaaaaaaa.

2002-07-29T22:50:00.000-07:00

Movies i want to rent:
A Walk To Remember
West Side Story
Guys and Dolls
Captain Corelli's Mandolin
Fantasia
Dumbo
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (because old school Disney is the best kind)

Randoms that i need to buy:
- an eight by ten picture frame to put my prom picture in
- an old binder so i can finally put away my Gypsy script for safe keeping
- john freida beach blonde sea kelp protein hair masque
- biolage silkening spray
- Highlight Glossers shampoo and conditioner for brunettes

i am

what sexual performer are you?
heheheh...

2002-07-28T21:26:00.000-07:00

HE CALLED AFTER ALL!!!!

2002-07-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

if he doesn't call tonight, i'm going to lose it for sure.

my work schedule for this week is a monsoon. I'm working at phils for four days and then with john at a catered party for one day. but at least by the end of the week, ill be a rich bitch.

2002-07-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

i feel like sketching.

2002-07-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

yesssss:
href="http://www.roxydoll.com/~erin/quiz/">
artemis was always my favorite...

2002-07-26T20:57:00.000-07:00

Gypsy was phenomenal! Brava! :)

2002-07-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

the head of Princeton University admissions broke into Yake University's online admission notification system. it's all over the news right now...

i can just hear the arguments of the ivy league alumni as we speak (no offense, jerry):

My school is better than yours.

Nah-uh. Your school has a major inferiority complex.

Oh, so why did your school's admissions director hack into our website? Innocently checking our security for us, eh?

You guys all sound stupid. We all know Harvard is the best.

Harvard has a stick stuck up its....

Oh, yeah? That doesn't change the fact that Yalies are Harvard rejects.

Au contraire, you troll! So many people choose Yale over Harvard. You're just resting on your dumb laurels.

Your school is a stupid elitist J. Crew-wearing Aryan patriarchal institution that turns out the filthy i-bankers of the world.

Did I mention Harvard is still the king of the Ivies? We have the fattest endowment, the highest selectivity, the best reputation, blah blah blah....

Oh, suuure, so that's why we were ranked higher than Harvard by U.S. News, huh?

Who cares about U.S. News? Your school still sucks.

No, YOURS sucks even more.

Liar!

Idiot!

Brainwashed spoiled effete puffy white brat with daddy's money!

At least I wasn't molested at some stuffy New England boarding school.

Damn you sniveling proletariat!

i find the competitiveness of ivy leagues to be quite daunting, stinky, and down right stupid (I'm praying with all my might that jerry won't take offense to this, because it's not meant to offend him any way). i don't look down on ivy leagues because, um, duh, they're amazing schools, i just dont understand the level of competition they practice. competition is key to a good college, of course, but not so much where a student who is the valedictorian of his class and scored a 1600 on his sat's gets rejected from princeton (which, by the way, is a true story. the student is my boss' near-genius nephew).

this whole ordeal also aptly makes Yale look stupid, as jerry so smartly pointed out, by how easy it is to crack into their website.

anywho, tonight is Gypsy at Hofstra. steph is with jason right now and i'm very excited for her and so ridiculously jealous.

2002-07-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

i ordered my Dell Dimension 4500 Ultimate Music Machine Desktop just a few moments ago, and I should be getting it by August 1. I'm soooo excited to get my OWN computer, which I've wanted since I was thirteen.

TODAY:
Comfort food: mac n cheese
Watched: The last half hour of Love and Basketball
Listened to: Weezer, Pink, and Boston
Tried: the Tae Bo tape that i bought at the mall in atlantic city. it rocks.

i know this is startng to get a little played out, but I MISS ERIC

because steph is my idol and I totally copy her: "meet ya 'round the corner in a half an hour!" :)

2002-07-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

i wish i had a cable modem so i can leave up an away message for hours at a time and be cool like everybody else.

im starting to reconsider getting a desktop over a laptop for my computer for school...what do you guys think?

lookie steph, you're linked! :)

2002-07-24T20:32:00.001-07:00

btw, steph has a journal now...yeeehawww!!! we hit up tower records after we dropped off melissa and jerry went home or wherever he was going to and i got the Gypsy dvd..i cant wait for my dad to leave the basement so i can watch all of the special features and whatnot...

one more month till two of my best friends leave for school. but we wont talk about this now.

well, golly, you all won't believe who my new best friend is...*raises eyebrows and snickers*

2002-07-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

i have bad burger king aftertaste in my mouth right now.

does the manager flirt with anyone else besides me and melissa every time they go in there?

2002-07-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

surprising eric on saturday was glorious :)

his face was priceless and the second i saw him it was like one of those corny movie scenes where the clouds part and sunlight filters down on whoever is being focused on and everything starts to move in slow motion. i didnt even care that he planted one full one on me right there in front of his family, something i make a point never to let him do in front of his family because its just like...awkward. the day flew by and before i knew it it was over, but i'm still so so so glad i was given the chance to see him, even if for a few measly hours.

him being at camp has reinforced just how big a part of my life he is and how hard it is to not constantly just miss him all the time. next year is going to be hell indeed. my excitement for school has dulled down to a quiet lull, and i dont care if im pathetic for saying that.

this friday is Gypsy at hofstra! I'm sooooo excited! :) If its good enough, I'm going to see it twice. I figure that I already have money put away for when I'm at college, so for the time being until I leave, I'm spending the rest of my money on whatever i want. I want to have as much fun as possible this summer and i cant do that if im gonna be a tight ass on what i spend my money on. not that i never am anyway...

2002-07-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

i never wrote about beatlejam in here. ummm...it sucked. thats all there is to say.

i'm leaving tomorrow for PA to go see eric. ask me how excited i am.

hmm..what else, what else..oh yah. last night i was at steph's till 1:30 or so and we were talking about things that happened all the way from ninth grade till now. jerry wrote a better entry about it in his journal, so you might as well read his lol (the link is on the right sidebar under "friends").

time for beddy-by..

2002-07-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

what do you do when your emotions start to make you go numb?

i'm getting to realize just how close i am to particular people, people who i didnt think i would miss all that much once i leave here. now im starting to realize and its upsetting me.

anyone else feel like this?

2002-07-11T22:20:00.000-07:00

its so weird, yet so wonderful to go back to old blogger entries and just read them through and through. so weird, yet so wonderful to remember exactly how i felt as i typed each entry. especially the ones from during the play and the whole eric situation that lasted through february and march. i get so nostalgiac sometimes; before i watched the tape of the play.

i miss the crew. i miss being drowzy from the late rehearsals. i miss repeating the same dances over and over because stupid people can't pick up the simplest dance steps. i miss talking to ms. widman. i miss hearing wize's booming voice go "VINCH!". i miss practicing my songs to the tape of ferrara singing before i went to bed every night. i miss sneaking off with eric during rehearsals to get some alone time with him. i miss joking with steph backstage. i miss the toreadorables. i miss sturges coming to every show possible because he had nothing better to do with his life. i miss curtain calls. i miss fauci as uncle jocko. i miss marianna as cratchitt. i miss being nervous as all hell before singing little lamb. i miss the dumb costumes. i miss chris palu. i miss how sweet will is and i miss talking with vanessa about anything and everything whenever we had some free time. i miss being a part of something so seemingly big, and important to a number of people at the time.

i watched coyote ugly for a little while tonight, and for the first time, i realized just how stupid the plot line really is.

and just let me repeat this for the millionth time: who wants to go to a fucking broadway show with me?!?

2002-07-11T19:37:00.000-07:00

good to know..

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