theres a hanson concert in two weeks. at carnegie hall. beautiful, glamourous, historic carnegie hall and i can't be there.

There is something distinctly lovely about hanson concerts, a feeling I cannot get enough of. but afterwards there is always that sort of sick empty sensation in the pit of your stomach. sort of like you ate entirely too much--of something fabulous, like double chocolate-raspberry cheesecake--and you know today its back to low-fat wheat thins, and nothing else, for a very long time. not that I have anything against low-fat wheat thins, because they make up about a third of my daily calorie intake. but you know what I mean. or maybe that was just a really bad metaphor.

i miss that rushed, euphoric feeling of being glazed in sweat and not caring, having your hair frizz up and not caring, feeling your voice go hoarse and not stop singing. i miss the exerted, spent, yet calm, feeling after a concert before the post-hanson depression kicks in. hell, i even miss the depression.

hanson's back, in some sort of way...touring and getting interviewed and making particularly horrid tv appearances on things like the tom green and sharon osbourne show. i think back to the old hanson days and at the things i did and it just all sounds so crazy. about how i watched their videos over and over and over again looking for the most minute differences. how i refused to wash my hands for a whole week after i had met them and shook their hands for the first time. how i'd buy four teenybopper magazines at a time. my life revolved around them so much i can remember my own mother screaming at me to find something else to do with my time. they're only a silly little band, anyway.

i think back to those days and i get so happy, and then i think of how in two weeks...i'll be here...in delaware...in my dorm room or stuck in a late-running chemistry lab...while a hanson concert is going on someplace where i would most likely be if i were home...and i get sad again.

btw, happy belated, zachary walker.
(omg im such a dork. someone please choke me.)