ahh. there they are. :)

i'll add more tomorrow, including mima's personal pages. im too tired now; the words I type are blurred.

the cup is this rather meager looking, shack-like joint standing meekly on a sidestreet next to wantagh train station. from its exterior it appears dingy, run-down. but the inside is somehow oddly satisfying in all its homely decorated glory: plush vintage couches, candle-lit tables, and homemade artwork adourning its chipping walls. the dark atmosphere gives it some sort of romantic, yet trendy air to it, like a starbucks, only five times cooler and less commercial. it sort of reminds me of the central perk on friends, only with a dimmer aura to it flavored with a touch of goth.

i love it there; its casualness and the way everyone just goes to hang out and be themselves. no one is frowned upon, there are no stereotypes, all are the same.

...plus the desserts are good.

a favorite of my summer hangouts, no doubt.

and why havent the other links I added up in the side frame yet? ::frowns::

eureka! a link works, a link works! ::dances:: Do you guys know how long that took to work? Finally!

Imma go add more...

i need not go into the hanson/mp3.com fiasco for the sake of not wasting my time or yours. I'd be here to long and I'm not even sure if I understand it myself.

i hate idiots, I really do. A stupid statemet, I'm sure; everyone hates stupidity, but I particularly hate the kind thats seated behind me, chanting nonsensical words for the sake of being comical.

This is the type of stupidity that thrives at my school.

*sings* college here I come....

i'm in school sitting in the air-conditioned library in the waste of forty minutes that is study hall. i wish i had an art class in the midst of my day, but stupid me had to take two science classes this year in order to meet pre-med/physical therapy requirements.

I miss it. Miss the way my fingers glide over paper, how colors illuminate before my eyes, how I have full control over whatever I make. I miss the silent journey of charcoal on white, miss the scratchy way it shadows and darkens so easily with just the slightest fraction of added pressure. I miss the way paint flows like raindrops down the paper, runny and salty. I even miss getting frustrated over the tiniest imperfections and the way watercolor never seemed to work for me, always pooling at the bottom of the page and coloring an inky brown.

god help me if the people sitting behind me can read this over my shoulder.

i miss george. dearly.

in attempt to shut out all of the ugly monstrosity emanating through television images and newspaper articles as of late, i feel like taking the time to talk about all things beautiful rather than horrific.

1) books. books, books, books. old ones with worn bindings and musty smells. new ones with pages unbent and clean edges. soft cover, hard cover, shiny covers, blurry covers. books with glorious illustrations on the front. books that cleanse, help, revive the soul. books that make you think, make you wonder, make you cry, laugh, giggle, groan.

2) words. words can be so amazing. call me crazy. i probably am. i just have this obsession with words, learning new ones, using ones that no ones ever heard of. enigma, epiphany, propensity, minutaie, abberant, equivocate, blather, enervate, serendipity, tremulous, feverish, rigor, intricate...

3) the american flag. for what it symbolizes and for its immense meaning which i've never noticed or apreciated until now.

4) friendship. what is more immaculate than an honest and true friendship? i can't think of anything. talking, laughing, crying together. acting stupid together. caring, giving friends, for which i'm lucky to have plenty of. you're all beautiful in my eyes.

5) a grandmother's love and selflessness. my gammy means the world to me.

6) time with family, for which i'd probably go insane without

7) white roses. puckering and pristine growing on the side of the house in my mother's pathetic excuse for a "garden".

8) music - music that heals, helps, emotes, and unites. and not just hanson. all of music; if its genuine, its beautiful.

9) affection. hugs, kisses, hand-holding from the ones you love. falling asleep next to someone close to you.

10) libraries. because duh. see "books".

11) oil pastels and charcoal pencils. for all of the beauty they enable me to create which i could never dream i am capable of.

12) teachers who understand. if only all teachers were exactly like those choice few, things would be so much easier.

13) learning. which life would be meaningless without.

14) sunrises and sunsets. that paint the sky in peaches, pinks, lavendars, and cotton-candy soft yellows and never cease to amaze me

15)the moon. whether it be full, crescent, or two thirds complete; its gorgeous.

16)unity. we'd never survive without it.

17)fandom.which has dominated my life for the past four years and given me some of the best experiences. i wouldn't trade in any part of it for the world.

18)my little sister. for her endless admiration and support for which I am not worthy of.

19)holding hands. seemingly minor, yet so intimate.

20)new hanson lyrics. specifically to a song entitled "Lost Without You" Such a simple conversation, but I've memorized each line...

21) the world unknown. full of waterfalls, lakes, rivers, mountain tops, canyons, fields, meadows, beaches, and boundless amounts of beauty I have yet to see.

22)boys. dewy faced boys with rosey cheeks, flaxen hair, and honest eyes.

23)passion. a thrive for life, for experience, for being truly alive. passions like music, writing, art, a love of animals, religion - anything a person could possibly live for.

24)faith. without which none of us would have our heads screwed on the correct way and therefore causing us to just give up

25)the new york city skyline. which I'm afraid will never be the same ever again, but will be forever remembered the way it once was.

I've listed twenty five things and I've only begun to scratch the surface.

Alex

random thought here: i probably won't ever be able to listen to "new york minute" by the eagles without choking up ever again.

what a week. to think that i'd been worrying about college, that i'm not in ap english, that my gpa simply isn't high enough, that my skin has been breaking out, that i need to practice tennis more in order to live up to second singles, that i need to get my hair trimmed, that i need to lose weight seems ridiculous. things like this put everything into perspective. everytime i feel a complaint creeping up from the depths of my throat, i bite back mytongue, bceause i know someone somewhere, possibly someone living down the street from me, has got it a billion times worse while they wait for someone to come home, or if they have to face the reality that that someone just *isnt* coming home.

am i making sense? probably not.

it makes me angry. so so so angry. And sad, too, of course. But pissed off as all hell. Not because of any racial issues. I only get upset when I hear about those people that should remain label-less that are celebrating what happened on tuesday. thats what pisses me off. and also because that is manhattan. my favorite place in the whole world. and it will never be the same again. call me selfish. i know i probbaly am for thinking about that when over four thousand people are still missing and more than half of them are probably dead, but UGH.

muhammad ali sent a very gracious quote to mtv, something along the lines of "if they did do it for islam, they went against it, and not for it. god does not back assassins". and it made perfect, crystal clear sense. sure, these people are very fanatical and dedicated to their religion. but they're so blinded by their fanaticism that they don't realize that they're killing people. what god supports that?

so now, as the whole frigging country is buzzing with questions as to whether or not we are going to go to war, i suppose I am proud. proud to have an american flag waving outside my house. proud to be a new yorker. proud to help out however way i can by donating stuff. proud to be born from this great country.

i know i sound corny.

honestly. i dont give a fuck.

i woke up this morning with a killing urge to write, and i did, for a full two hours. my hand is now permanently numb.

no matter how much i wish i was in ap english this year, there is a very big part of me that feels at ease when i remember that i have mrs. brennen as my english teacher again. just for that fact, i know that i'll walk out of that class at the end of the year and feel like i've truly learned, something you don't feel with every class you take. just like i felt last year when i said good-bye to her, not yet knowing that i would have her for college eng, and walked out of her class, my head hanging low while my eyes welled up and my lower lip quivered. i truly loved her class.

after seeing the vma's i'm more in love with alicia keys than ever. if i were ever to become famous, if i were ever to miraculously discover this hugely hidden talent buried somewhere inside of me, i would want it to be like the one she possesses. she's just so...cool i can't help wishing i was her. or like her, at least.

i waited on this man at work last week, someone who i've waited on before, but this time we got talking. i learned he was homeless. i wasn't shocked, really; i could tell from his disheveled appearance and the many waldbaums plastic bags he carried with him that if he wasn't homeless, he was probably financially unstable in some way. nevertheless, being so religious, he went into how his faith in god keeps him going and that he knows that god is watching over him somehow. every once in a while, when he's broke, someone will slip him a good fifty or hundred dollars so he can keep going. and it made me wish that everyone in the world could believe in someting so much that it kept them living. i know there are people who have a passion for certain things - writing, music, a particular sport or hobby - but at the same time, there are a lot of people who don't, who live life listlessly with no real purpose or aim.

sadly, i've yet to find mine.