Connie quote of the day: "That's like AP to the eighth power."

I listened to Middle of Nowhere earlier today and fell in love all over again.

...i have nothing else to say really.

Three words for you all: Paul fucking McCartney

Beatles songs played tonight:
Hello, Goodbye!
Can't Buy Me Love
We Can Work It Out
Yesterday
Hey Jude
The Long and Winding Road
Sergeant Pepper's (reprise)
You Never Give Me Your Money
Carry That Weight
The End
Lady Madonna
All Your Loving
Something
Back in the USSR
I Saw Her Standing There
Here There and Everywhere
It's Getting Better
Fool on the Hill
Blackbird
Mother Nature's Son

Question: Why why why, Paul, did you completely and utterly ignore Rubber Soul? Drive My Car? Norwegian Wood? In My Life? Nowhere Man? Hello?!?

eric, if i'm missing some songs, lemme know.

it was amazing. amazing. Spine-tingling, awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping amazing. wow. just...wow.

he did a double enchore. have you ever heard of such a thing?! no opening act and no intermission. just two and a half hours of straight through music.

i..i just..i just um wow. i'm at a loss for words.

"this one here is for all the lovers here tonight."

here's where i try to sound ambitious...

During the next four years I want to:
- star in a musical at college
- work at the university radio station
- get ripped ;)
- read read read as many good books as i can
- learn to write poetry. because i can't. honest i can't.

Why I'm so uneducated:
- Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
- The Fountainhead - Ayn Rand
- Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand
- Tar Baby - Toni Morisson
- In Cold Blood - ?
- Jane Eyre - Emily Bronte
- Franny and Zooey - J.D. Salinger
- The Chocolate War - Frank Cormier
- Les Miserables - Frank Hugo (no, I never finished it)
- To The Lighthouse - Virginia Woolf
- The Joy Luck Club - Amy Tan

Worst works ever assigned in school:
- Johnny Tremain
- The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn
- Mourning Becomes Electra
- Araby
- The Death of Ivan Illych
- Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway

Why why why don't we read any Amy Tan? *pouts*

I just emailed Laura, extraordinaire of everything Broadway, asking her if she's ever seen Gypsy and what she thought of it. Of course she's seen it. But I'm just scared to know whether she liked it or not.

I want to be more Broadway-savvy. Shame on me for waiting this long to get into musicals when they're such a beautiful, beautiful thing to be a part of. i miss the play, i really do.

yay! melissa is coming to prom after all, just like i knew she would!

my heart skips a beat whenever i get an email from pollstar.com about new jonny lang tour dates. he's scuttling around the country, playing little venues and bars that can only fit no more than one or two thousand people. those are the best concerts.

um, hi? ever heard of westbury music fair? mulcahy's?

i've been jonny-deprived for the past year and a half.

i'm tired, i'm burnt, and i don't wanna go to work. i just wanna cuddle up on a couch with eric somewhere and just sleep.

i've been contemplating on starting a second blog, but there's really no point.

so long, ithaca. hello delaware.

Awkward moment of the year: standing with my father in my friend peter's dorm room (for those of you who don't know: pete is a blatant homosexual) while his roommate downloaded pictures of men bending over naked and his other roommate taped multi-colored condoms on a mirror in ROY G BIV order. you can only imagine how fast i bolted out of there.

last night was wonderful and horrible all at once. if only i was a year younger.

everyone's writing such nice journal entries about friends. expect one from me within the next couple of days.

my sister is dressed all in pink - from scrunchie to shoes - and she looks like one big peice of bubblegum.

there is a particular issue that I feel the dire need to address, for some reason. the other day, wednesday, i was at work and angela, one of the waitresses, was waiting on a preist. she was joking about everything that's been going on in the clergy as of today, what with all the child molestation cases and rape cases that priests just can't seem to stay out of these days.

and i got very sad.

catholicism is not hip. it is not a fun religion of youth rallies and WWJD and folk music at services. we are not evangelists. we are a religion of bowed heads and softly whispered prayers. our services are more silence than talking. our clergy are mostly elderly. we do not have marketing campaigns or music channels or 800 numbers.

many get the misconception that we are staunch conservatives. some indeed are, but most of us aren't. i know this because I am not in any way staunchly conservative, and neither is my very Catholic family. i don't heed or accept all of the politically correct edicts that come from Rome. i am pro choice, pro birth control, pro sex-ed, and pro condoms. divorce is a very sad thing, but it happens for the right reasons sometimes. i think homosexuality is mostly genetic, something you can't change, but above all, it's something that isn't wrong. sex before marriage is just fine as long as you're smart about it. i can even look past religion and see myself marrying a non-christian.

i went to catholic school for seven years before i moved out here to long island. there was a long period of my life where i went to church with my mom every sunday (i'd like to start that habit again). i cry whenever i sing 'amazing grace' because its just that beautiful. i can say a rosary and i know Mass by heart.

i am a catholic. i will not tell people that i was "raised catholic" because i am still a catholic today and i will remain one.

do i think celibacy is unhealthy? no. plenty of other clergy around the world believe celibacy is a function of spiritual purity, from yogis in India to Buddhist monks. in fact, i think it's a pretty crude idea that we're all seething sexual animals who can't control or abandon our fleshly urges. we're not animals.

so if the whole celibacy thing isn't the problem, you ask, what in the bloody hell is up with all these priests molesting children? obviously it's happening because priests are restricted from any sexual contact, so they exercise all of those pent up feelings not only in the most deviant way possible, but in a way that technically doesn't break the rules. right?

WRONG. wicked wrong.

what's going on? i'll tell you what's going on. i think that the catholic church has become a genuine haven for pedophiles, a place where they think they can run away from their sexual problems. they think, here is a place that will "fix" me. I can't have any sexual contact by decree, so there will be no oppurtunity for me to exercise all of my deviant sexual feelings. they're wrong about that. as we're seeing on the news every night, there's plenty of oppurtunity.

i've been thinking about Father Vogel, a priest whose been a friend of my family's since before i was born. he married my parents. he used to visit my grandmother on a weekly basis for lunch during the summer and he would bring me candy. when i was little, he'd sit me on his lap and talk to me about God and he'd ask me all the time how school was going and what tv shows i liked and what book i was reading. we'd talk about normal, everyday things and he'd send cards and gifts every christmas and for my birthday (note: my own grandfather - on my mother's side - couldn't even tell you when my birthday was let alone send me a measly card).

when i was older, around ten or eleven, i asked him why he became a priest, when did he know that he wanted to become one. he told me this fantastic story about how God called him. that was it. God called him. he was in a relationship with a woman at the time, and he was deeply in love, but the church needed him more. i forget the details, but at the end of the story, i think i remember telling him he shouldn't have done it. that he should have stayed with his girlfriend. he thanked me, said he was flattered.

I have to remind myself, and i hope the world remembers, that Father Vogel is living proof that not all priests should be thrown into the same category as a result of what's plastered all over the news. not every priest belong in the same category of humanity because they all wear collars.

should Cardinal Law resign? absolutely he should. it is absurd to think that he didn't know about the allegations of child abuse. if he knew, if they find the proof, Cardinal Law should be arrested, never mind removed from his position. what is the most malignant thing for victims of sexual abuse? silence. the very thing we catholics pride ourselves on. we are not ranters and ravers by nature, but maybe the time has come to change that.

i haven't spoken to Father Vogel in quite a while as a result of my grandmother moving out here to farmingdale, but i hope he's okay.

Because I have brilliant friends:"being true to yrself is unique, cos no one is true to themself anymore." - quote taken from melissa's livejournal

In the past two days, I've:
- been called a "whore" twice by a particular nameless freshman
- gotten only about four hours of sleep
- had a surprisingly nice conversation with tony online
- talked to/saw eric every possible second i could
- watched Gypsy on tape...well, not really. only the parts i'm in :)
- read two chapters of ap bio
- read two full issues of the amazing newspaper that is the new york times
- probably said "jackis!" about forty times
- broken my diet on more than one occasion (i.e. tonight at eric's when stacey broke out dessert after dinner)


What I need to do, like, now:
- start looking for prom dresses
- make a college desicion
- finish 1984 before eric kills me
- tweeze my eyebrows
- exercise
- start saving money for prom
- go to fastweb.com to check on my scholarship lists. i need to write some essays, since, like mima so bluntly pointed out: the government sucks ass
- start eric's cd packet

*whines* I need a prom dress.

YESSSS!!!!!!!!

so is there any reason why the US government is changing the color of money or do they just like to do pointless things whenever they feel like it?

ive been up since 8 am doing homework and i'm now taking a "break". an hour-long break. eric is coming over in approximately two hours and twelve minutes and my mind is swimming with ap biology terms. must. calm. down. now. my hand aches from writing so much.

*yelp* i have a brennan project due on monday. a brennan project, kids.

last night was wonderful before my parents ruined it with one of their ever-depressing college talks. may 1st is less than a month away and i'm scared out of my mind.

hahaha yesssss:

Your the thong. Your the spunky one out of all friends.
You keep having fun till it kills you. You always except a challenge and
never back down. You love taking risks and you hold nothing back.

Which underwear are you?

Random: i've decided today that i want glasses again

ive learned that, in life, there are certain things that can be said by certain people to you that can leave you shaking. certain people or persons you meet along the way, develop relationships and bonds with. over the past month and a half, eric has proven to be one of those special people that never ceases to leave me trembling from the sincerity and utter power in his words.

"there' something about when i wrap my arms around u
i feel like i have all of u
it's amazing"


Lars143996: u were amazing tonight


Lars143996: and i'm not gonna stop caring about you the way i do

"i know its a little late, but will you be my valentine?"

and from an email:
"I will leave you tonight with a quote from Anthony Burgess's "A Clockwork Orange"-
"Oh gorgeousness and gorgeousity! The depths of time and space can never compare to this amazing display of beauty.' "

it only technically Day #4, but it feels like a lifetime. I've spent more time with him in the past month and a half with the play and then with this vacation than I have with anyone else in the past six months.

he makes me feel...indescribable. we have this undeniable bond with each other. he is ultimately everything i want in someone; i can totally see myself spending the rest of my life with him. he has reinforced my belief in the idea of soul mates. i don't care how ridiculous that sounds to everyone else reading this, its my blog; if you dont like it, dont fucking read it :)

he tells me all the time that i'm perfect. i beg to differ, but when i'm with him, i actually *feel* perfect. i cant...quite..describe it. when he kisses me, the whole world stops. when he calls, everything freezes. i can stay with him forever.

i wish i were with him right now.

i love him. i love him. i love him.

i miss melissa.

one of these days i'm going to write a long, detailed entry about what exactly is going on between me and eric at the moment.

but for now, i'm still recovering.

where to begin, where to begin...

last friday night was the cast party at vanessa's. everyone had a jolly good ole' time, especially me. and afterwards the following morning we went to the beach to watch the sunrise, or at least to attempt to.

it was calm, it was quiet, and it was peaceful in every sense of the word. i wasn't even talking much while i was there, i basically just went off on my own and thought. whenever i am at the beach i am always just *struck* with its beauty.

but nothing's ever the same when you're not there.









i dig my toes into the sand
the ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
i lean against the wind
pretending i am weightless
and in this moment i am happy
i wish you were here