i watched a walk to remember tonight and enjoyed it immensely. i remember writing a blog entry about it when i saw it in the theatres, and i think my bitter criticism came from the fact that i had four annoying girls sitting down the row from me that swooned every time shane west came on screen. yes, it does have some stereo-typical teen movie themes and characters (including the "token black guy" which was so brilliantly demonstrated in not another teen movie), but all in all, its just a beautiful, beautiful love story. despite the fact that mandy moore has got to be the most annoying celebrity ever to live.

im making eric watch it with me when he gets back. it kinda resembles our relationship in a way.

jerry is sick and is losing mad weight. he says he hasnt slept and he forces himself to eat and has constant headaches. i'm getting ridiculously worried at this point. but at least he still has his humor:
rurouni j y: i already started talking to ppl who are gonna be freshie's at columbia. so at least i have some friends. haha
AGrrl4ITZ: well thats good
AGrrl4ITZ: i know no one lol
rurouni j y: u know jackie ingoglia and amanda pisano
rurouni j y: rofl
AGrrl4ITZ: oh they dont count!
rurouni j y: of course they don't lol
AGrrl4ITZ: smart ass
AGrrl4ITZ: lol
rurouni j y: ;-) u know it

i've been working out to exercise videos every morning for the past week and i've come to this conclusion: i dont care about my weight anymore. yes, i have body hang-ups just like any other person does and no, i'm not always content with the body that i have. but ya know what, its mybody. and its time to stop obsessing. this week has shown me how much i enjoy exercising just for the sake of exercising. it makes me feel good, like i put my body to use, which it was made to do. i love the feeling i get after working out, when you're all sweaty and out of breath and your limbs feel loose and limber and just feel so good, like you can run a marathon or something. i feel (dare i say it?)my sexiest after i'm done working out, which may sound crazy and completely ridiculous, but its the truth.

so, every morning, five days a week, on weekdays, i do an exercise video. so far i've bought four different ones: Tae Bo Basics, the Crunch Fat Burning Yoga, The Method Pilates, and The Crunch Master Fat Blaster. if anyone should care to join me, they're more than welcome to.

my computer came today! how excited am i! i even tipped the mailman five bucks. i feel bad for them, having to trek their asses through the what must be hellish weather for them during the summer (and winter). i even wanted to invite him in for a glass of water like edna (grammy) does for lou the mailman, but my mom thought it would be too weird.

on tomorrow's movie agenda: A Walk to Remember (again), Austin Powers Goldmember with grace (yeah baby!), and West Side Story if i can squeeze it in someplace.

i keep getting these freaky christian emails from liveprayer.org and i have no idea why. i never signed up for any daily newsletters, let alone any religious newsletter.

i had sushi today. yesssstaaaaaaa.

Movies i want to rent:
A Walk To Remember
West Side Story
Guys and Dolls
Captain Corelli's Mandolin
Fantasia
Dumbo
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (because old school Disney is the best kind)

Randoms that i need to buy:
- an eight by ten picture frame to put my prom picture in
- an old binder so i can finally put away my Gypsy script for safe keeping
- john freida beach blonde sea kelp protein hair masque
- biolage silkening spray
- Highlight Glossers shampoo and conditioner for brunettes

i am



what sexual performer are you?
heheheh...

HE CALLED AFTER ALL!!!!

if he doesn't call tonight, i'm going to lose it for sure.

my work schedule for this week is a monsoon. I'm working at phils for four days and then with john at a catered party for one day. but at least by the end of the week, ill be a rich bitch.

i feel like sketching.

yesssss:
href="http://www.roxydoll.com/~erin/quiz/">
artemis was always my favorite...

Gypsy was phenomenal! Brava! :)

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

the head of Princeton University admissions broke into Yake University's online admission notification system. it's all over the news right now...

i can just hear the arguments of the ivy league alumni as we speak (no offense, jerry):

My school is better than yours.

Nah-uh. Your school has a major inferiority complex.

Oh, so why did your school's admissions director hack into our website? Innocently checking our security for us, eh?

You guys all sound stupid. We all know Harvard is the best.

Harvard has a stick stuck up its....

Oh, yeah? That doesn't change the fact that Yalies are Harvard rejects.

Au contraire, you troll! So many people choose Yale over Harvard. You're just resting on your dumb laurels.

Your school is a stupid elitist J. Crew-wearing Aryan patriarchal institution that turns out the filthy i-bankers of the world.

Did I mention Harvard is still the king of the Ivies? We have the fattest endowment, the highest selectivity, the best reputation, blah blah blah....

Oh, suuure, so that's why we were ranked higher than Harvard by U.S. News, huh?

Who cares about U.S. News? Your school still sucks.

No, YOURS sucks even more.

Liar!

Idiot!

Brainwashed spoiled effete puffy white brat with daddy's money!

At least I wasn't molested at some stuffy New England boarding school.

Damn you sniveling proletariat!

i find the competitiveness of ivy leagues to be quite daunting, stinky, and down right stupid (I'm praying with all my might that jerry won't take offense to this, because it's not meant to offend him any way). i don't look down on ivy leagues because, um, duh, they're amazing schools, i just dont understand the level of competition they practice. competition is key to a good college, of course, but not so much where a student who is the valedictorian of his class and scored a 1600 on his sat's gets rejected from princeton (which, by the way, is a true story. the student is my boss' near-genius nephew).

this whole ordeal also aptly makes Yale look stupid, as jerry so smartly pointed out, by how easy it is to crack into their website.

anywho, tonight is Gypsy at Hofstra. steph is with jason right now and i'm very excited for her and so ridiculously jealous.

i ordered my Dell Dimension 4500 Ultimate Music Machine Desktop just a few moments ago, and I should be getting it by August 1. I'm soooo excited to get my OWN computer, which I've wanted since I was thirteen.

TODAY:
Comfort food: mac n cheese
Watched: The last half hour of Love and Basketball
Listened to: Weezer, Pink, and Boston
Tried: the Tae Bo tape that i bought at the mall in atlantic city. it rocks.

i know this is startng to get a little played out, but I MISS ERIC

because steph is my idol and I totally copy her: "meet ya 'round the corner in a half an hour!" :)

i wish i had a cable modem so i can leave up an away message for hours at a time and be cool like everybody else.

im starting to reconsider getting a desktop over a laptop for my computer for school...what do you guys think?

lookie steph, you're linked! :)

btw, steph has a journal now...yeeehawww!!! we hit up tower records after we dropped off melissa and jerry went home or wherever he was going to and i got the Gypsy dvd..i cant wait for my dad to leave the basement so i can watch all of the special features and whatnot...

one more month till two of my best friends leave for school. but we wont talk about this now.

well, golly, you all won't believe who my new best friend is...*raises eyebrows and snickers*

i have bad burger king aftertaste in my mouth right now.

does the manager flirt with anyone else besides me and melissa every time they go in there?

surprising eric on saturday was glorious :)

his face was priceless and the second i saw him it was like one of those corny movie scenes where the clouds part and sunlight filters down on whoever is being focused on and everything starts to move in slow motion. i didnt even care that he planted one full one on me right there in front of his family, something i make a point never to let him do in front of his family because its just like...awkward. the day flew by and before i knew it it was over, but i'm still so so so glad i was given the chance to see him, even if for a few measly hours.

him being at camp has reinforced just how big a part of my life he is and how hard it is to not constantly just miss him all the time. next year is going to be hell indeed. my excitement for school has dulled down to a quiet lull, and i dont care if im pathetic for saying that.

this friday is Gypsy at hofstra! I'm sooooo excited! :) If its good enough, I'm going to see it twice. I figure that I already have money put away for when I'm at college, so for the time being until I leave, I'm spending the rest of my money on whatever i want. I want to have as much fun as possible this summer and i cant do that if im gonna be a tight ass on what i spend my money on. not that i never am anyway...

i never wrote about beatlejam in here. ummm...it sucked. thats all there is to say.

i'm leaving tomorrow for PA to go see eric. ask me how excited i am.

hmm..what else, what else..oh yah. last night i was at steph's till 1:30 or so and we were talking about things that happened all the way from ninth grade till now. jerry wrote a better entry about it in his journal, so you might as well read his lol (the link is on the right sidebar under "friends").

time for beddy-by..

what do you do when your emotions start to make you go numb?

i'm getting to realize just how close i am to particular people, people who i didnt think i would miss all that much once i leave here. now im starting to realize and its upsetting me.

anyone else feel like this?

its so weird, yet so wonderful to go back to old blogger entries and just read them through and through. so weird, yet so wonderful to remember exactly how i felt as i typed each entry. especially the ones from during the play and the whole eric situation that lasted through february and march. i get so nostalgiac sometimes; before i watched the tape of the play.

i miss the crew. i miss being drowzy from the late rehearsals. i miss repeating the same dances over and over because stupid people can't pick up the simplest dance steps. i miss talking to ms. widman. i miss hearing wize's booming voice go "VINCH!". i miss practicing my songs to the tape of ferrara singing before i went to bed every night. i miss sneaking off with eric during rehearsals to get some alone time with him. i miss joking with steph backstage. i miss the toreadorables. i miss sturges coming to every show possible because he had nothing better to do with his life. i miss curtain calls. i miss fauci as uncle jocko. i miss marianna as cratchitt. i miss being nervous as all hell before singing little lamb. i miss the dumb costumes. i miss chris palu. i miss how sweet will is and i miss talking with vanessa about anything and everything whenever we had some free time. i miss being a part of something so seemingly big, and important to a number of people at the time.

i watched coyote ugly for a little while tonight, and for the first time, i realized just how stupid the plot line really is.

and just let me repeat this for the millionth time: who wants to go to a fucking broadway show with me?!?

good to know..


Are you a ho? Find out @ She's Crafty

after a very brief scare, its all systems go for camp towanda visiting day. YESSSTAAAA!!!

today i worked and hung out with steph. i would have rather stayed home than have went to work considering its my sister's birthday and i missed out on a chance to eat ice cream cake. hmmm, maybe theres some left in the freezer..

the fact that my sister is fourteen already scares the living shit out of me.

since steph's sister's car was blocking steph's truck in the driveway, steph had to drive diana's car in order to take me home. so when she opened the car door the alarm went off and she couldnt figure out how to turn the alarm off for at LEAST a good five minutes. it was 12:30 at night and the car alarm was going off at full force and steph and i were laughing so hard that we couldnt even concentrate how to turn the damned thing off.

oh yeah, and i'm going to beatlejam on friday after all! yeeehawww!!

in other news, this blog is officially a year old :) yay!

WARNING!
The blog entry you are about to read may become extremely mushy, emotional, and a bit melodramatic to some. Reader discretion is advised. You have been warned.

It will be two weeks on Wednesday since eric left for camp. thankfully its going by pretty fast *knocks on wood* i'm seeing him in a mere week and a half if all goes well with his parents and i cant fucking wait.

I was watching Real World on MTV the other day, the chicago cast. now, I hate this cast. hate them so so so much. especially cara, but i hate tanya too. to me, she was just some whiny-ass bitch who was way too obsessed with her boyfriend to even care about anything else, even the fact that her boobs are fake. but she said something about justin, her bf, that matched what i'm feeling right now exactly. it went something like, "i'm happy to be here, but there is a part of me that just aches because i long so much to be with justin."

for once, i kinda agreed with something that came out of her mouth. for the most part, i am fine. i'm content with spending these next two months with friends and family. but at the same time, i don't feel whole, or as happy as i was a month ago. it was comforting to know that im not being sad and pathetic and im not blowing this whole eric-being-away thing out of proportion because there are other people who have felt the way i feel. no matter much i despised tanya ever since the first show of the season aired :/

i know he's having an amazing time, and im glad. i just hope he misses me just as much. thats all i want.

and now he wants to go back next year and be a camp counselor (Disclaimer: I'm letting this all out because I have to or I'll burst. i know you guys could give two shits, but whatever) when he told me that this was going to be his last year at camp. the only thing that has really kept me going is the fact that i knew next summer would be spent together, after school for me has finished. i was really looking forward to that. now im just disappointed and depressed as all hell. with me going away throughout the school year and him away during the summer, we'll barely see eachother. just how much can a couple take, how long can they go while barely seeing each other till they finally break? and just what kind of satisfaction does the relationship being when you always have that distance between eachother? i almost want to ask whats the point even, but i know i don't really, truly mean those words, so i won't.

i'm not going to ask him to stay. i know how much he loves camp, and it would be selfish of me to ask him to give that up. asking him to give up camp is like asking me to give up going away to school just like i'd always dreamed i would. but i am going to tell him how i feel just so he knows. im not going to keep anything bottled up. if he decides he still wants to go, then he'll go. but its going to be so hard and with the way i'm handling this summer, i'm afraid how i'll handle next summer or if I can even handle it at all.

i really do love eric. whether or not people believe it, whether they think we're overreacting, or they think its just puppy love, or whatever. i love him and i know he loves me. thats probably reason to deal with him going away next summer, im just afraid of how hard its going to be. and though loving eachother stregnthens our relationship, it also makes it harder for me to be without him.

him being away at camp is not like me being at delaware. i know some people reading this will probably think im being selfish because im going away to school next year. but its really different. at school, we can talk on the phone whenever we want. i can come home for any random weekend just like he can visit me whenever he wants. at camp, we are extremely limited. he's not allowed to have a cell phone, nor is he allowed to call me on a payphone during the day (ok, um, just a question: what are they hiding at camp that the kids arent allowed to have cell phones and can only make phone calls on PAYPHONES for christ sakes during certain times of the day? is it sleepaway camp or prison? if anyone can answer this, please enlighten me). our phone time has been reduced to a five minute phone call a day. and also, out of the seven weeks he's there, i only have one chance to see him.

im just so confused and sad and i just really need someone to talk to. i feel bad going to my friends because i dont want to bother them with all of my eric bullshit bc theyve heard enough about it already im sure, so i wrote about it in here. i had to. if anyone wants to let me know what they think, please bring it up because i would really, really like someone to talk to right now. i dont think ive ever needed it this badly.

maybe im just overreacting from my gut instinct. i should probably just wait it out till he gets home, tell him how i feel and then see how the school year goes, which im going to do. whatever happens next summer, happens. but i just cant help this gnawing feeling i have growing in the pit of my stomach when i think of spending another summer without him, wearing a mask of normalcy, trying to make it seem like i'm ok when i'm really not, not ever really being happy.

anyway...i went out tonight with mima and jerry to get my mind off things. we hit up friendly's where i ate like a pig and it was nice. but now im drowsy and drained from sitting in the sun with george all day.

oh yeah, im having dinner with mama and papa lense tomorrow :)

What I do when I'm bored and depressed:

Coolness, man! You are the Blue M&M You seem to have great presence and direction in your life, and you are the type to make friends with your easy-going nature. Keep that ego of yours checked and problems will steer clear of your aura and seek someone less suave. ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

Conformity - You are the Tomato All-around and average, but not upset about it, you take life day by day and try to live with as little stress as possible. Some people like you for what you are, but there are a few who would rather see you sliced and diced.. but we all have enemies, right? ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk