according to colorgenics.com:


"You are seeking protection against anything which might seem to be exhausting you or tiring you out. So it would appear that you are seeking a life of security and physical ease, free from any problem or disturbance.

Being a likeable person .. you get in well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to "Rock your boat". You want to "love" and to be loved".

Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation..... butyou are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision...

Recently everything seems to have gone wrong .. and so you are experiencing considerable stress and anxiety due to mental conflict. A continuous case of "Should I?" or ... "Shouldn't I?"..At this particular moment in time you feel as if you have reached the end of your tether and it seems impossible to ever rectify the situation ... and so you have decided, perhaps quite unrealistically, to postpone making any further decisions. Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to despondency. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decision, you are likely to immerse yourself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.

You seem to be always on the defensive and that is because you have failed to establish yourself in a manner consistent with your own high opinion of yourself. You are trying to prove yourself with inadequate resources, and this has resulted in considerable stress. You are trying to escape from these excessive demands on your reserves by adopting a defensive attitude in which you refuse to be committed or to be involved in further unpleasantness.

*jaw drops* the bold lines are dead on.

..but i'm not feelin' the scary music thats playing in the background.

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

a very happy belated birthday to jerry, whom i love very dearly.

i got the part.

i got the part.

i got the part.

oh. my. god.

today...i did nothing.

life is good.

See what Care Bear you are.

Procrastinate much?: I still have three christmas presents to give to people. but that's not all, folks. i still have two more presents to buy. eeps.

Why all of this madness?: Well, you see, it's not my fault, really. I did buy Danielle a gift for xmas, on xmas eve morning, actually, which is why i was in such a rush to get out of the mall which is why i dashed out of victoria's secrets and accidentally left the bag with her gift behind in the store, therefore "losing" her present. im such a dip.
as for steph's gift, which is also yet to be bought, i tried to look for the cake cd she wanted. everyone had cake cd's...just not the one she was looking for. so i hauled ass everywhere looking for this one particular cd with this one particular song on it and no one had it. so then i asked her what else she wanted and she said there was this new oasis greatest hits album that just came out. so i went to look for that. turns out there's two different versions of it.

ugh.

but whatever whatever. i'll get around to it. sometime.

My plans for tomorrow: Go to Blockbuster and rent Gypsy. Find song to sing for auditions. Practice song to sing at auditions. Somehow, somewhere get the Moulin Rouge DVD and soundtrack, even though I have no idea how since I won't get paid till 8:30 tomorrow night. Go to work. Come home. Have a moviefest all by myself because - surprise, surprise - i have no homework this weekend. for the first time in my entire high school career, it seems, i have no homework over the weekend.

yay. im a senior.

AHHH AUDITIONS: Musical auditions are coming! Musical auditions are coming! Monday evening at 6 pm to be exact. I need to find a song. I repeat: I NEED TO FIND A SONG. and learn it. and know it like my own name. and sing it and nail every note.

One more random: *sigh* ewan mcgregor is so beautiful...

i watched moulin rouge at grace's before work today and i'm *still* dizzy from its utter beauty and brilliance

new poet of choice: dylan thomas. i still love frost though. jerry, relax, lol. i'll always have this thing for frost. but lordy, thomas is amazing, too.

I have a physics midterm in approximately twelve hours. number of hours i've studied for it: approximately one. eek.

i can't believe it's prom time again. ugggggh. here comes another three months of the never-ending bullshit of stressing over a date, getting a dress (well, actually, i like that part...), paying for the bus, making sure everyones paid and set, and counting up all the prom bids for student council and selling them during lunch and ugggggh. someone please hand me some broken glass peices or something because if it's anything as bad as last year, i'm gonna slit my wrists.

Song of the moment: Julia, by the Beatles

jerry, i heard breathing on the radio today and almost had a coronary. when lifehouse comes to new york, we're going to go see them together.

and lets not forget:

"When you go away to college, you're gonna have guys pounding down the doors trying to get to you so don't get yourself all worked up over some chooch." - Frank, the genius that I work with.

sums up my whole love life (or rather, lackthereof) in one aptly-put quote

breathing by lifehouse makes me feel so incredibly warm.

oh yeah, and i hate snow.

Things Alex should be doing instead of sitting here tinking away at this blog:
- studying for her midterms.
- calling meghan.
- putting on a sweatshirt since its cold in her room.
- getting a good ole' cup of java with jessica.
- meeting jessica's new friends.
- or maybe even hanging out with you-know-who.
- writing something meaningful.
- starting her english project that's due in a mere three days (ahh...now *that's* a good one..)
- reading One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
- practicing for her musical audition
- doing more crunches
- giving her mom money for her phone bill
- seeing what brian is up to tonight
- reading good fanfiction

To cut or not to cut - that is the question: school is out all week next week for regents and midterms. all week except friday. good ole' plainedge with its brilliant logic decided that they should resume school for one stupid friday of a week where we have all the other days off. i find this rather mindboggling. its not official yet, but it will probably turn into the first senior cut day of the year. it's january, kids, and we haven't had a senior cut day yet. yup. p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c spells pathetic. i dont know what i'm going to do as of yet. brennan wants to give a test, methinks. and waterhouse will eat me alive if i don't show up to his class, which is a double period that day. heather's cutting. jerry's cutting. so is paco. marianna is skeptical still. she and i will probably just cut choice periods.

maybe i just wont tell my parents theres school that day. sounds like a plan, right?

Take the Monopoly Piece Quiz!


hahaha yes i'm the pain in the ass

i think my mom put speed in mickie's breakfast this morning

Take the Which Beatle Are You? Quiz.

since i haven't gotten to bed yet, it's still january 18th to me, although technically, since it's approximately 12:10 am now..its really january 19th.

but whatever.

two years since i lost karen today and trying with all my might not to start crying again.

saw black hawk down tonight. extremely bloody. extremely violent. extremely hot josh hartnett. no plot. no story. i dont even know the name of josh's character. ::makes mental note to research the real raid on somalia tomorrow when my eyelids actually want to stay open::

i bought the I am Sam soundtrack tonight at Tower while waiting for a table at Friday's, which is compiled of remakes of old Beatle's covers. Who would have thought: Help is just as catchy slow as it fast. And Rufus Wainwright, though he may sound whiny and, at times, incredibly constipated, does a beautiful job with Across The Universe, which just so happens to be my favorite Beatle's tune.

...but Granddaddy's rendition of Revolution bites the big one.

He's a real nowhere man
sitting in his nowhere land
making all his nowhere plans for nobody
doesn't have a point of view
knows not where he's going to
isn't he a bit like you and me

isaac hanson has the most glorious hands i've ever held. yes yes yes

listening to: new hanson stuff called "hey". have i ever mentioned how beautiful it is when taylor hanson croons "baby" in the most yearning, painstaking way? oy.

re-reading: Cathedral by Raymond Carver. i think i'm the only nerd in college english that hasn't turned in their book. i just simply can't part with it.

wanting: to go to the gym. the last time I was there was on sunday morning because yesterday I just ahd too much work to do after my internship. i need to work out.

needing: at least a good eight hours of sleep tonight. but will i get it? of course not

wishing: that nbc hadn't edited me out of the news report that they aired.

laughing at: mickie, who, at the moment, is doing some kind of weird acrobatic leaps all over my rug

...that is all.

hahaha yes!

ATTENTION

according to emode.com, my teen celebrity match is...


Prince William


*faints*

ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!

Josh is going to be hosting the Golden Globe Awards and he's doing SNL this Saturday. Two days from now. and then Letterman on January 14th.

so this is what it feels like to have heart palpitations

Bilbo Baggins If I were a character in The Lord of the Rings, I would be Bilbo, Hobbit, uncle of Frodo and finder of the One Ring. In the movie, I am played by Ian Holm. Who would you be? Zovakware Lord of the Rings Test with Perseus Web Survey Software

damnit i wanted to be liv tyler.

I AM ALIGNED WITH THE ELEMENT AIR!

Element: Air

Direction:East

Celtic Celebration: Spring Equinox (approx. Mar 21st)

Personality Traits: Optimism, Intelligence, Mental Quickness

Those of the Element Air, tend to be free spirits, creative and fun loving yet intellgent and thoughtful.

Find out what element you are aligned with

This test created by Celtic_Shamanes

According to thespark.com:

- I am 67% pure

- 32% gay

- 27% slut

- 43% bitch

and I will lose my virginity at the age of twenty. pshaw. like hell i will. theres no way i'm waiting that long

random: melissa updates her livejournal more than anyone i know. i wish i had that much to talk about.

i heard the new nsync song today and was utterly disgusted. it..blows. their music blows, their image blows, every fabricated-down-to-the-last-stitch thing they stand for blows. they blow, period.

see, if i had better things to talk about the word "nsync" wouldn't be found anywhere within these lines.

we're writing satire pieces in english and i'm writing mine on the SAT and the absurdity about how important it is in the college application/admissions process. the whole shebang package is just plain idiotic. to judge whether or not a student gets into a school based on one score from a test they took on any given saturday is just plain idiotic. to make students sit for three hours on a saturday morning filling in little bubbles (with no. 2 pencils only, of course) on an answer sheet colored white and puke-green is idiotic.

its there merely to inject even more fear and worry into the minds of concerned students who actually give a damn about their college careers. to make us sweat, fiddle, squirm in our seats. because thats what the entire national board of education loves to see. they love to watch us cringe and struggle to meet their ridiculous standards. i mean, come on. my sister is in eighth grade...and she's already doing dbq's.

does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture but me?

i'm no slacker when it comes to school, I've worked for my grades all of my life. I'm not one of those extraordinarily bright people, but I'm not completely incompetent, either. I do agree with the regents exams and increasing the standards to a certain degree. But when I see my little sister hunched over at her desk, struggling with the kind of homework i didn't have to do when i was her age and thinking that there's something wrong with herself because she doesn't understand it, i get just a liiiittle pissed off.

i've been pissed off a lot lately

src="http://test3.thespark.com/sa/slut27.gif"
border="0">

You're Tori Amos!

The Faery Queen








Come get your fortune read!

Created by ptocheia

thanks meg :)

i love online tests. ::runs over to thespark.com::

shakira is on the aol welcome mat right now and i wanna take a knife and make little cuts all over her makeup-drenched, golden-brown-to-perfection face till she just bleeds and bleeds and bleeds...

but anyway...

they're coming out with an austin powers 3. i. am. so. frickin. excited. ::dances to soul bossa nova::

so t___ hasnt called. and i doubt he will. but ohhh do i hope he will. but ya know what, if he doesn't its seriously his own loss. and if he does call i think i will be quite the happy camper. but we'll see. he's a BK boy. theres no telling to what he can do and the damage he's capable of to the little gasping heart of mine. but i wont let him. i promise myself right here right now that i wont let him break me or make me go into another one of my self-pity/downward spiral/fuck the whole world kinda moods. because no guy is worth crying over and the one that is wont make me cry.

how teeny of me to quote that.

i wish i had it in me to write long, complicated and analytical entries like jerry. jerry always writes long entries, but they're not just long, they're good long entries, something thats hard to write.

i think its time for me to find more online tests

i hate uneventful nights when you expect something to happen. last night was like that. i hated last night.

sorry if i'm being incoherent but i feel like it.

i wish this blog had a subject line. i've got great ideas for subjects for all of my entries but i'm too lazy to go back to each one and stick em in somewhere.

i'm in a cynical mood. i need me some onion.com

Beatles kick of the moment: I'm debating between I Saw Her Standing There and Twist and Shout. Because both of them are just so damn fun to dance to. in your underwear, of course ;)

but i don't do that, no no no. heh.

tomorrow starts my weekly gym visits. i pray to god i actually get results this time instead of going through all the trouble for nothing.

Random thought of the moment: If I were to ever have music playing on during making love, it would have to be Andrea Bocelli. Particularly Il Mistero del Amore. because its just so tragically beautiful and flowing and it just makes me think of...making love for some reason. I don't know what made me think of that

and if i could picture the perfect boy to make love to who would it be? i dont know if there's only one. ok fine fine fine josh hartnett, i suppose, but he's not very smart and everyone knows i like me a boy with more than 36 brain cells. but he's so exquisitely perfect..in every other way. i like how he's not flashy. i like how he always wears that wrinkled cap. i like how he doesn't pop up at every fricking award show, movie premiere, or any other papparazzi swarmed happening. he doesn't go to spago. or sundance. he did musicals in high school, musicals. which means the boy can sing. the boy can dance. *thud* watch me as i fall off the computer chair and crash my drooling teeny butt on the floor.

oh yeah. but now i remember that boys suck. and so i will head off to bed just as pissed off as i've been all night.

Things that 2001 brought into my life:

- Jerry
- Krispy Kreme
- my new little cousin named Brooklyn, whom i didn't even know existed until Christmas Day, when I saw my half-aunt for the first time in five years because her druggie husband shipped their asses to Alaska so they could live in peace and quiet and he can deal away without anyone bothering him. Hm. Yeh. (Have I ever mentioned that her mother, my step-grandmother, is an ex-prostitute? This is the sort of family I have, folks. At least on my mother's side anyways)
- this blog
- peter
- my lucille roberts membership, which is gonna make me one sexy bitch by summer
- mickie
- 6 brand spankin' new beatles albums
- Josh hartnett
- H&M

things that happened all within the month of december
- i got hit on four different times. one of those times being the alarmingly attractive bassist for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
- a dance with Abercrombie Boy at the New Years party
- i met someone. like, finally. *coughhookedupcough* someone who will call me tonight at some ungodly hour in the middle of the night. the best part? i wont mind one bit.

i have more im sure but this nausea in my stomach that I've had for the past 48 hours isn't really helping much.