goodnight, george.

"He left this world as he lived in it, conscious of God, fearless of death, and at peace, surrounded by family and friends. He often said, 'Everything else can wait but the search for God cannot wait,' and 'love one another.' " ~the Harrison family

rest in peace, quiet one.
We love you, yeah yeah yeah...

the sound of military helicoptors is not the most pleasant thing to wake up to in the morning.

why why why do i cry at absolutely everything, anything, and nothing at all? today while watching faith hill behind the music. today while watching the making the band marathon. yesterday while watching ghost and listening to my aunt say grace before dinner. last week while watching forrest gump and crying three times both times i watched it. the other day while listening to "mind games" by john lennon.

what in the hell is wrong with me?

do i feel too much? am i one of those flimsy, bleary-eyed types that burst in tears at even the slightest doses of mush? hopefully not. or maybe im just crying out for something that i want so badly, so desperately, but something that i just don't have.

my best guess would be to say that i'm simply just sexually frustrated.

in other news, i woke up this morning at 6 am to the whining of my puppy, who wanted to be let outside to do his business. and im so glad i groggily got up out of bed to walk to the backyard door. i saw the most beautiful sunrise. the sky was everything - red, purple, peach, yellow, lavender - all meshed together, blended into eachother in some spots and standing out in their own independant glory in others. so so gorgeous; it literally took my breath away. it reminded me of the summer when i used to get up for my early morning runs. everything would be slick with dew and the air would run thick and heavy down my throat and everything would be so serenely peaceful; the world as it is before everything and everyone wakes up to start the bustling routine of this headless chicken run that we call life. it was calming, soothing even, for me to have those mornings.

i think ill wake up again tommorow morning to take some pictures.

the moon looks really pretty tonight, too...

so i've got a world of new things to address. Numero uno:

The name of my YAY/BOO list is changing to YAY/NAY. Because it just sounds so much cookier and British lit. terminology and spelling is just so darn cool.

2) there is nothing more uplifting than making new friends. i just want to take a minute to thank jerry for being such a good friend as of late. jerry, you're a sweetheart and I'm so glad we've gotten closer. you really know how to make me laugh and boost my self-esteem. you're also the most selfless person I can name. don't ever change.

i've been pondering the most random, meaningless things lately. like eggplant, the vegetable. the name of it, like the egg of a plant? wouldn't that be the seed? just trivial little things like that.

i dunno what's gotten into me. all i know is im listening to john lennon and feeling pretty darn philosophical right now.

imagine how different things would be now if september 11th never happened. nobody, not even the president, would even pretend to give a shit about the american flag hanging outside their house or on their car window. no one would think twice about flying or going to the city. my parents wouldnt be so worried about me going out at night with friends ("you never know what could happen with everything going on, you know...," they lament as they raise their eyes and shake their finger at me). my cousin wouldnt be in therapy. joe would still be alive, coming to phil's every week with his wife as the usual, ordering the usual eggplant (theres that word again) parm hero and large diet coke. and thanksgiving mean half as much as it does this year.

how ironic. "war is over" is on.

I'm going to leave this on a positive note. i've found a new passion: poetry. i'm starting a little somethere here called the "poem of the week". and since mrs. brennan is just an utter goddess, i'm going to use what she calls her favorite poem because I think its brialliant, too.

Sunlight on the Garden

the sunlight on the garden
hardens and grows cold
we cannot cage the minute
within its nets of gold
we cannot beg for pardon

our freedom as free lances
advances towards of its end;
the earth compels, upon it
sonnets and birds descend
and soon, my friend,
we shall have no time for dances

the sky was good for flying
defying the church bells
and every evil iron
siren and hat it tells:
the earth compels,
we are dying, egypt, dying

and not expecting pardon,
hardening in heart anew
but glad to have sat under
thunder and rain with you
and grateful too
for sunlight on the garden

kinda reminds me of graduation.

Things that I miss:
1. nightswimming
2. george
3. karen
4. being able to read any book i want because i had time to do so
5. money. having plentitudes of it
6. my cell phone
7. my favorite pair of jeans that i've had since eigth grade that are too worn for me to wear anywhere else but work now
8. having a definite crush on someone, rather than the wishy-washy, coming-and-going sort of crushes i have now
9. hanson
10. my nails that i used to be able to grow long, but i foolishly ruined them by wearing acrylics last year
11. having ideas for my YAY/BOO list
12. inspiration for stories
13. coffee talks
14. my pool
15. the beach
16. the smell of suntan lotion
17. my tan
18. my dad's worn sweatpants, which he refuses to give up this year
19. swedish fish
20. tonystone.com
21. the comments people used to leave in my livejournal, not including the retarded ones that don't leave their names
22. working on saturdays instead of useless sundays where i make no money

there is no other feeling in the world as horrible as coming home from a night of having fun with friends...and feeling lonely.

something that is upsetting me immensely right now:

the fact of the matter is, new york should have won. new york needed to win. everyone is so down right now, this would have helped to lift everyones spirits at least a half a notch.

me thinks this is the worst year in the history of new york state. but thats just me.

and of all things ridiculous: . hmm..::tilts head tot he side and twirls hair around finger:: how does terrorism affect the fashion world? oh for the love of god. sorry for all of you cosmo-is-my-bible falsies who cant wear stilletos anymore. my heart bleeds for you; let me just swallow a band aid.

for all of the dumb, flimsy articles that seem to circulate on the unstable salon.com is the reason why we have the onion

must go shower now to get ready for tennis dinner.

my last tennis dinner...scary/sad thought right there...

i just want to apologize to mima for being a pain in the ass and not remembering to call her this morning to tell her that I need not be driven to school. im such a dip.

i believe i am two YAY/BOO lists in debt. Here we go:

YAY to: The raging spirit of NYC. Flags on billboards, factory buildings, electronic messageboards. The "Give Peace a Chance" sign newly ressurected on 42nd. How everyone is frigging brimming with pride and spirit.
BOO to: NYC's newly crippled skyline. Barren and naked without the twin towers, there something about it that just doesn't feel the same anymore.

YAY to: firemen. especially the one who took the time to hug a total stranger (me) last Saturday, October 27th, 2001. enough said.
BOO to: no boos here.

YAY to: spending a full day with george upon his return to long island for thanksgiving.
BOO to: him being so far away when i miss him so much

YAY to: Brian and Jessica's thoughtful, but failed, efforts to surprise me on my birthday. I had fun guys, I really did :)
BOO to: the fact that the surprise was um..ruined. compliments of brian. lol

more later. (much sooner rather than later, i promise)