not surprising: the new hanson clips are...pretty great. funny that they've been up on the website for the past three months and i've only downloaded them tonight...heh...

but in all, i'm glad i'm no longer infatuated.

i dont wanna leave i dont wanna leave i dont wanna leave.

i wish i was going to school closer. i really do.

in other news, my new computer is amazing. its orgasmic. im on it right now. it kicks ass. i can just feel the anticipation of all the cd's i'm going to burn once i get to delaware.

but other than that, i dont wanna leave. however, the only thing thats really scaring me is saying good-bye...again...to eric. its not gonna be pretty and i get nausous (sp?) every time i think about it.

well, this is it. the end of the beginning, the beginning of the end.

this is my last week home; i'm in the home stretch of my time between summer and going to school. steph's gone. melissa's gone. jerry's gone. george, grace, even heather, are all gone. christine, corrine, and lisa will be gone on thursday. i leave sunday, a week from now. in one week ill be sitting in the confines of my dorm room, but hopefully ill be out doing something and meeting people.

Why I'm so glad I'm dorming in Rodney Hall: first off, i have a single. secondly, inside my dorm, there's a dining hall. and a gym. and a convenience store. plus, it's air conditioned. i almost never have to leave except to go to class!

eric just called and he's at kennedy airport and will be home in a half an hour :)

i said good-bye to three of my best friends last night: melissa, jerry, and steph. not a "good-bye forever", i suppose, but a "good-bye for now" type of deal. none the less, it was really very sad. it all seemed so final, even though we all knew it wasn't. i just can't imagine not being able to call steph up at her house to just talk to her and not calling her or melissa or jerry up and going, "what are you doing tonight?" it doesn't seem right to me. none of this "going away" shit seems right to me...

yesterday i spent the entire day with eric just basically doing nothing. it was good. really good. it felt good to be held again.

i never mentioned that father vogel stopped by my aunt's house last week to bless me before i went to school.

he's home, he's home, he's home! watch me as i throw confetti into the air and dance around like a mad ballerina!

i've just decided that i'm never highlighting my hair. ever.


eric comes home tomorrow.

i stole Invisible Man by ralph ellison from the book room at school during the last week and i cant bring myself to read it. its supposed to be phenomenally written, which i don't doubt, but...its about the black struggle in america. i know this is a huge issue and also a huge part of history, but i'm sorry, im just sick of reading about it, especially after having brennan for two years who unrenderingly beat the same ideas repeatedly into our brains over and over over again.

i want to read about asians, or native americans, or irishmen, or jews or something else for once. the italian american struggle of early america, the japanese expulsion on the west coast during WWII, or chinese geisha girls during early communist china. i am not saying that the black struggle of america was underrated in any way or should not be talked about, i'm just saying that i want to read about something different for once.

work was busy as hell today. we had a table of fifteen people and a table of sixteen people come in at the same time, and on top of that, forty more people waiting on line to sit while the dining room was already filled up.

i haven't been to a concert all summer. this is so disappointing.

i watched the robin williams stand up comedy special on hbo tonight for the third time and its fucking brilliant.

i was walking around outside Harmon yesterday after work and just thinking about how beautiful the weather was when an asshole driving by catcalled at me and completely shit over my beautiful thoughts. it wasn't even a general catcall. it was a rude honk, followed by a weird grunt and a pink slimey tongue wagging in and out of his ugly perverted little orafice of a mouth. at me. i could have kicked him hard where it hurts if he hadn't been cruising around the parking lot in a car. i would have liked to be homocidal and hurt him really, really badly. God, i hope birds shit all over that pathetic bastard and his peice of shit car. i hate men like that. hate hate hate them. hope they die and crust up in hell and get their bloated fleshy heads chewed up by toothy blood-soaked merciless hounds.

it wasnt the first time its ever happened to me, but i swear that whenever it does happen, it fucking feels like the first time: that goosebumpy, feeling in your stomach that makes you feel like youre less than human, you're an object, a toy, a face and a body and nothing else in between or inside. like you're shit, in other words.

fucking damn all fucking perverts to fucking hell. stupid fucks.

because i so kick ass:

Which Of Our Beloved Movies Are You? by Hannah & Rachel

im sitting here typing this on an unusually cool august night. crickets are singing outside my window in the most peaceful, comforting way and the water in my pool can be heard making gentle swish-swish noises from time to time. if it wasn't so cold outside, i'd be nightswimming.

i stayed in tonight, by choice, i suppose. i didn't really call anyone to find out if anything was going on. i just tried to watch the Lost World: Vancouver thing on mtv, but couldn't bare to watch more than a half an hour, so for the rest of the night until now, i put on some music (some particularly bad christina aguilera ballads...well, maybe not that bad) and sang to them in my room. it was calming, and soothing, and replenishing, even though i couldn't hit half of the high notes that she can.

the play gave me confidence in myself. before when i'd sing to my cd's i'd sit timidly on my bed and sing just enough for me to hear myself, but not loud enough for anyone else in the house to hear. but now, i dont care; i just belt out whatever i feel like. its good. its fun.

i haven't seen jerry in a while. well, its probably only been a few days, i'm just used to seeing him much more often than that that it feels longer. every time i call his cell phone, his voicemail picks up. jerry, if you're reading this, i miss you!

i watched west side story the other day and it was ridiculously good. natalie wood positively shines in it, ten times more than she did as louise in gypsy. i'm mad at myself for waiting this long to see it.

the next musical i'm renting: thorougly modern millie

one more week till eric gets back. one more week till i'm in his arms and he's in mine, where we both belong.

i just saw a picture of zac hanson's new haircut and the boy still has those gorgeous pillowy lips of his. he looks positively strapping.

i listened to This Time Around today for the first time in a very long time and i was reminded: it kicks ass.

dude, broadway tickets are mad expensive...

so i was assigned a single at delaware. at first, when i found this out, i nearly panicked, but then i talked to steph and thought it over and now i suppose its more of a good thing than bad. for one, i wont have to share a room, which after having my own room for the past seven years, is a lot to give up when you think about it. i'm in charge of how my room is gonna be decorated. i wont have to worry about a neat freak of a roommate, or a total slob, either. and when people come visit me, they can stay in my room, no questions asked, and i wont have to worry about a roommate minding. and its not like ill be lonely or anything because everyone else around me has single dorms.

plus my dorm is air conditioned and that's always a plus.

i saw Goldmember yesterday with grace. it was definitely the weakest of the austin powers movies, but it was funny none the less. i think they were too caught up in lets-make-this-really-funny-by-using-the-same-humor-and-jokes-we've-been-using-from-day-one to make the plotline a little less confusing and a little more sensible. i didnt like beyonce knowles, either.

funny how the austin powers girls are starting to be like the ever-elusive bond girls. being an austin powers girl is a big deal now, almost as much of a big deal as being a bond girl, a role thats like the Holy Grail of all female sex symbol movie roles.

anywho, i'm on my way to bed, bath, and beyond with george to see if they still have the comforter i want for next year.

i just read my aim profile and its so disgustingly sappy.